modernleper

Last night's steam of consciousness diatribe was fueled by whiskey and a conversation with Alaina. I seem to either not give a fuck at all what people think about or I care far too god damned much. There is no middle ground.

I was feeling so depressed and alone that I almost drunkenly booked a trip to Vancouver last night. I wanted to just run...
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This has been a tough week. I have learned things and been told things that I need to process. People have told me how they feel about me. People have told me how other people feel about me. People have told me things that in some way shape or form involve me and they really felt I should know about for some reason. It's been...
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After the excessive amount of alcohol drank last week I am going to attempt to remain sober for awhile.

I really had thought I kept it together well last Wednesday at the open mic night, but when I looked at the videos and heard the things I said it became clear to me that I was quite wrong in that belief. I was mumbling like...
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Briefly talked to Virginia yesterday. Like a 2 minute conversation about paperwork concerning the refinance. It was cordial. So was the last time we spoke in person. Then she turned into a complete cunt via text the next morning. Sometimes I wish she would just show a little consistency. I have been freaking out about seeing her all morning. I'm still not sure when exactly...
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I had a friend who recently just "reactivated" his facebook account. It got me thinking about the people in my life and how easily I cut ties with people. There are very few people in my life I would really consider friends, most are just acquaintances. I never really have that "why don't we hang out anymore" feeling with people. If I wanted to hang...
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I hate having my picture taken. Absolutely despise it. Not sure why... probably because I have been told I always make weird faces and look like an idiot, and I don't like to look or feel like an idiot. Anyway, I realized this weekend that even though I hate having my picture taken, I really miss having someone genuinely interested in taking my picture. I...
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Virginia and I got married 2 years ago today. I'm not really feeling sad or depressed because of this "anniversary," but I still can't help thinking about it and it just makes me feel "weird." I know that's a horribly non-descriptive term for it, but it really is the most accurate. Everything feels off today, I'm kind of in a haze. I don't want to...
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I noticed it's been about 6 months since I've posted. Not that anyone else would notice...

But anyway here it a copy and paste from my most recent livejournal post... Yes I still actually use livejournal on occasion. It's sad, I know.

Fingers crossed for my appraisal tomorrow. If all goes well I can get a refinance with a nice conventional loan, no mortgage insurance,...
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I've never really used this as a real journal. I've tried off an on but never with much success. Really, I just liked using quotes from songs as my subjects and then putting random unrelated crap here in the actual entry. I've never been good at expressing my thoughts and my stream of consciousness writing just rambles on, changes subjects frequently and ends up looping...
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So I had an account in 2003, it was based on a Bigwig album title. Eventually I canceled it.

I created a new account in 2004, not sure why, but this one was based on an Against Me! song. Eventually I canceled it as well.

Now I'm back. SG wouldn't let me reactive my old accounts for some reason so here I am...
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