I love suicide girls, but I hate the way it makes me feel. Maybe I just hate the way I feel right now, and sg is compounding that. I just feel really depressed seeing all these beautiful girls who are brave and liberated enough to send in thier pictures, and talk about thier lives which seem beautiful and perfect compared to mine. I want to be cool like them, I want thier friends and social life. I'm so tired of feeling like nothing and nobody in a cold, shitty little town in Ontario. I want to be someone, I want to do something, I want to feel like I matter, I want this feelinging in the pit of my gut to go away, the one that feels like I'm sinking deeper into myself with no hope of escape. I want to like my life, I have ideals and preconceptions and none of them have ever, ever come to fruition, at least not the way I wanted them to. Nothing feels like it should feel. I'm tired of watching my life go by like a bad movie, bored with every minute of it, totally uninterested and apathetic. Where are the friends, where is the cool social circle, where is the hair and the clothes and the sex and the laughter and the happiness? Why do I feel this way?
I want something else.
I want something else.