The Month of Study is a juggling act. Each thing I need to remember is like a ball, or a bowling pin, or perhaps a chainsaw, up in the air. It sometimes is more a question of what I can most afford to drop, rather than whether something will be dropped.
The other side of this is, for the job I may be going for,... Read More
i would like to be able to remember anything i see, hear or read.
i would be haunted by a tall man in a hat.
i am most like delirium in the sandman, coz shes nuts.
a dead baby. i have to ring the police and its a terrible mess of paperwork.
i am napoleon. i wear platform shoes so i dont feel the need to start wars all the time.
wisdom: most of the time, inaction is the best course of action. problems sort themselves out.
marriage, a good way to get a visa. otherwise, a bit silly. stay with one person forever? what if u change ur minds?
an exact mix between my mothers and my fathers
i am afraid of the sensation of fear. once it takes hold, theres little i can do to make it go away. in truth, there is nothing much to be afraid of in life.
someone has been here, but forgot to dust over one of the footprints they were trying to hide.
i enjoyed talking to my boyfriend.
i do, but not out loud.
whats the best advice YOU have to offer?
to open a bottle cap with ur teeth, go around the edge prizing it off gently.
i lied to my boss to get the job. perhaps clever, but now i have to remember not to say th truth!
if i could return, i'd be a viking. if not... i like now.
9, is the number of stars down my spine
if only you were here, then you could be mine
I think I shall, for the most part, take a break today. I will be back tomorrow morning, so this won't be up very long.
The glucose curve for Fearless showed his blood sugar as still quite a bit too high. So the dosage will be going up, and another glucose curve will need to be done in two weeks. But I can deal, and... Read More
The Month of Study TEMPORARILY OUT OF SERVICE Next show: 7:00 PM EST
The morning blog will have to wait- I have another vet appointment for Fearless (another glucose curve to see if the new dosage is working properly). I meant to set my alarm for 4:45 AM... and apparently I set it for 5:45 AM. Scramble time....
I am all run out of tricks at the mo' but had to share this clip. My buddy CodyW gifted me with this gem which I now pass onto you. It's f'in hilarious for us cat lovers.
The Month of Study has times when one may think- "Was I really thinking just now?" Those are times that also give rise to other, deeper questions, questions such as "Should I really be allowed to play with sharp objects?"
As some of you may know, I have an ongoing war with the kudzu on my place. For those who have not had the pleasure... Read More
"The flowers are copious nectar producers and are visited by many species of insects, including bees, butterflies and moths." Like most things, it has its good side.
The Month of Study nears its middle on a Sunday, when the days are long. Fortunately for one who favors twilight, that, too is long these days. But there's a ways to go to get t twilight, and much to be done meanwhile...
So. This interweb thingie. Kinda cool, isn't it? I've heard it said you could be a dog on here, and no one... Read More
As far as being mean....I hate when people use the anonymity of the net to be total dickheads to others. That sort of behavior only goes to bolster my feelings about that person that they legitimately need to over compensate for failings in other areas.
A-If I came upon one footprint I would be pissed! I would figure I missed whoever was here and that they probably were pushing off in a boat one foot in and one foot out and were now gone.
A- I rode my bike down to Mosquito Cafe and had the most delicious breakfast while reading the paper and rode along the beach afterward and then back. It was reallty lovely.
A-I am kind of not a believer in magic per se. I do believe you can set in motion a chain of events which yield
positive results. I believe in good will anda lot of things....but not much into the whole chanting and spell making sort of scenario.
Q-What was the first thing you wanted to be when you were little?
A trick I use often in Excel is two formulas that will give me, from a list of many Items within many Categories, the number of items within each Category and their Sales Rank within that Category. The built-in rank function in Excel cannot differentiate if there are multiple things to be ranked within a dataset. It is great for ranking within the entire dataset, but if you need to rank within each Category amongst a list that includes 100 Categories, you'd have to change the dataset range in the rank formula for each Category. Terribly time consuming. When I am doing this, there can be 30,000+ rows of data just for one of our divisions. So, I pull a list of items with sales from our data warehouse, plop it into an Excel spreadsheet, and sort ascending by Department, then ascending by Category, and then descending by Sales (usually weekly cases sold). It looks a little like columns A through E here:
A through G are the column labels and 1 through 11 are the row labels. Row 1 contains column headers. In the Item Count column (F2), I use "=if(D2=D3,F3,G2)" and copy that down the entire column of cells, with each number advancing by one. F3 would have the formula "=if(D3=D4,F4,G3)" and so on. In the Item Rank column (G2), I use "=if(D2=D1,G1+1,1)" and copy it down all cells in that column. G3 would be "=if(D3=D2,G2+1,1)" and so on. The Item Count column does not work until the Item Rank column is populated. The nice thing is that it doesn't matter how many Categories or Items there are - it works regardless (unless I exceed the 65,000 row maximum in Excel - then I usually break each division into a separate spreadsheet). My department is usually only looking at the Categories in which we have products, so by filtering to that, it's less than 55,000 rows.
The Month of Study needs more Fridays. As much as Thursday is my true love in the week, today I am glad to see Friday show up. I think slightly more sleep than I have been getting is now in order. And lots of tea.
...and lots of reading. I've gotten a bit too much over into the experimentation side of things and wasted a... Read More
No. I do not believe in magic. I believe there are things that we don't yet understand, but that's still science, just like how Everest was still the biggest mountain even before people knew it was. I don't believe there's any magic to relationships, either. Just people with things in common who work damn hard to make things work. It's not some mystical bond, it's not magic. It's better than that though.
Then again my definition of magic is:
"the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity with the will."
(borrowed from A. Crowley)
If you make things happen in your life instead of letting things happen to you, you are a magician (just not a ritual magician).
I'm ok with labeling certain phenomena as magical until we come up with a better explanation through scientific means. The phenomena still exist, it's better than ignoring them. Energy can be directed and that, for now, is magical to me.
If you could instantly be granted one talent or skill, what would it be? One realistic and one complete fantasy answer cheerfully accepted!... Read More
Today I enjoyed finishing filling out my health insurance renewal form and putting in its pretty envelope.
I question the footprint. I check out the surrounding scenery. I look for signs of anyone. I'm panicked and thrilled and excited. I stare at my own feet for many minutes. I don't want it to be one of mine, but it might be.
I look past the foot and to the rock that blocked the way of the high tide, which washed every other footprint away. I very carefully put my foot in the print. It is a little smaller than mine.
Finally, some more food....
I am terrified of failure. All kinds. I'm not used to it.
My handwriting depends on my purpose. It's not terribly rounded, regardless of speed. Sharp edges for me.
Some people think my handwriting is extraordinarily neat, but they haven't seen enough of what I do when I'm rushing.
I really do believe that. You get to throw a party with your family and their family and your friends and their friends to celebrate love and new families. That's pretty cool.
But really, marriage changes the regard that much of society holds for your relationship. It even changes your legal rights and privileges towards each other. If you are looking to start a family with someone, it is a very good idea to be married. That's a very very good reason to get married.
Given the divorce rate these days, it's a great game for a compulsive gambler too.
Plus, it can make you feel like a real grown up. I don't think that's a good reason, but it can contribute.
But let's say you don't want kids, you're not worried about your tax bracket, you hate your family, you feel no religious compulsion and just want to love for love's sake. What then? (This is something I've been considering of late.)
In that case, consider what you want to build together. If you want a commitment to stick to (and a piece of paper to make it feel concrete and real) marriage is a great way to go. Marriage is for showing you are a family now. You can do so without it, but it can take a very long time. Marriage is the speedy way.
For me, a good reason to get married is to make marriage mean something new.
The greatest bit of wisdom? Here's the greatest one today:
Everyone is a little afraid.
No historic figure today, I'll get back to that one...
The box is the birthday present from my friend Joe. It's heavy, and the pieces inside are peculiarly wrapped. It's all Wiccan ritual tools.
I'd want to be Bugs, for fearlessness and heroics. Also, great tapping feet and open gender sense.
I'd be haunted by my grandmother. I wish I knew her better. I need her stories. Her life was simple, but she achieved some amazing things on a small scale. Also, I want her recipes.
Skills or talents? Woah, tough one.
Improvisation is the first instinct. I want to be a much better improviser, both on-stage and in real life.
But the real skill I need is DISCIPLINE.
My fantasy talent of the day would be the instant comprehension and retention of absolutely every piece of information I come into contact with. Call me the Brain.
If I were alone on the island, the single footprint would most definitely drive me crazy if I could not find the owner or a logical reason for it.
This evening, my grampa was in the most pleasant and coherent mood he's had in at least the last few months. It's not truly enjoyable because it isn't a good situation for him, but I'm very thankful he was coherent enough to really enjoy my company, and sincerely expressed it, for the first time in a quite while.
Re Marriage: I think you need to connect with someone emotionally, intellectually, and erotically. There should be an ease of understanding. There definitely needs to be chemistry in the bedroom and it's important to have sex drive levels which are compatible versus out of kilter with each other. The ideal sort of scenario for me is to find someone I can't wait to spend my time with because we get along so well ,but also whom I can't keep my hands off of...and vice versa. There should be a lot of laughter in the house.
Marriage in these modern internet times, where infidelity is so convenient.....I don't know how it fits in or if it is necessary for most. I think it's pretty important to try and learn whether someone is more of a poly instead of monogamous type....and also whether you are too. I think that's where you need to get to understand a lot more about someone's erotic make up and your own. A lot of people don't pay attention to this and it leads to misunderstanding or cross purposes. I kind of see marriage as a traditional institution and not so necessary for the poly types....except to protect legal rights to property and financial assets. But, more power to people no matter what ther lifetyles if they want to get married and make it work. I think you should go into it with open eyes with someone you feel you cannot live without. You should take a good hard look at yourself to see if you are the kind of person who can bond with someone in such a complete way and whether "marriage" is the type of arrangement which would make you happy or whether it would be stifling. I think there is a lot of pressure for people to get married or have children without giving enough weight to the level of commitment it should take......then again, we have gotten more lax about divorce. A person should think hard,"Do I mind taking the risk that if this fails I give up half my stuff?" If it is not a problem then go for it! Me, I don't care all that much about stuff so I'm alright with that.
Re handwriting-My handwriting is like code. Our military should adopt it.
Fear-most of mine are more abstract rather than immediate or tangible. I fear any of my loved ones getting into a bad car wreck. I also fear any of them getting caught up in a fire. I fear not getting to know enough about my parents as people through an adult's eyes and fear not getting to know their stories before they go.
My handwriting is nice, well sized and preportioned, curvacious. I write pretty fast too. I used to love writing and used to use lots of different colored smelly pens
Something I'm afraid of.....
I'm actually pretty scared sometimes of growing older and unatractive. I'm very aware at the moment that I'm 14 years older than some of the girls here on SG and I'm noticing changes in my body too. I know it's a fase that'll last a few years at most as your priorities in life change. Also I'm scared my life won't be what I sometimes feel a life should be. I don't know, kids/ some sort of stability!!
Bothering people, I hate having to ask for things twice, you know remind people. I can be really too, too scared to phone someone a second or third time. In work this sometimes gets me into trouble. I'm scared of my mom dying. I love her deeply.
Hahah, hell no idea. Probably I'd have immediate mixed reactions at first, relief, delight, dissapointment ending up scared and pretty angry. Maybe also an empty lost feeling, even more than before. Brought on by a feeling of possibilities...lost again. Then I would most certainly have to rationalize it for myself. So probably a boat mored into the sand. This handsome bare chested man jumped off and landed in the sand, looking for a quiet place to have a romantic meet with his mrs. But he got on board again rather sharpish. Probably scared away by my awfull singing coming out of the jungle
I understand your "phobia" though. DO you also have the same with highspeed trains heading your way? Or do you ever feel like pulling the wheel when someone else is driving? I do, briefly, I'm really pretty curious to just see what would happen. I sometimes sit on my hands in the car...as the voices are telkling me to just do it. hahaha
Sometimes, there are frustrations in the Month of Study. Like, say, for instance, when you write a great long blog entry, only to lose it before it gets posted.
Lesser men might sob, and cry like little babies. But no, I am made of sterner stuff. And I shall not fail my readers! This is the Month of Study where the stern, stern steel... Read More
That seems terribly inefficient. Is there a practical application for that? To me it looks like it might only come in handy in data back-up or some sort of torrent environment, where the same information can be retrieved from multiple locations.
Afraid... hmmm... The thing with fear is that it's wrapped up in anticipation. I try not to think about things that bother me. That being said, It isn't uncommon for me to think about finding one of the kids dead in the street as I go around the last corner before my house. I feel fortunate that, although my kids do roam within a couple houses in every direction from my house, no one has ever been hit by a car or significantly hurt. But, I still think about how I'd react if I was faced with that from time to time. I'd be unhappy, but knowing how much they enjoy the freedom they have, I really wouldn't want to take it away from them. I'll deal with it when I have to, which could very well be never. With the current issues of food, energy, and politics in the world, it wouldn't surprise me if the best has already happened and we are on a steady rate of decline from here on out, at least within my lifetime. It wouldn't surprise me if some sort of cataclysm, manmade or otherwise, were to happen. Might we someday be living in the society shown in Soylent Green, or those shows from the 80's that tried to dramatize the effects of nuclear war and the resulting nuclear winter? I see lots of awareness coming to the forefront and efforts to make positive changes, but all it takes is one asshole in power (or something akin to it) to fuck things up for millions or billions (as we've seen). I am not an optimist when it comes to humankind. I look for good, but they never cease to disappoint me. So, again, I can picture lots of really bad things happening. But I'm not really afraid of them. I guess on the other side of that is that I don't put myself in positions where I have to face things that would cause fear. Ooh, but that reminds me - my employer does force me to fly once in a while. That is probably the one thing that is real and that I've had to face head-on. But ultimately, I know it's sort of silly considering how much flying people do. But yeah, after all the more philosophical crap, I can say that flying is the one real fear I know I have.
It's a Monday in the Month of Study. Up today: the Java compiler, how to organize projects, and so forth.
It's funny that this is the last chapter in one of the books I am using to prepare, and very late in the other. I'd think it would be one of the things you'd get out of the way, early.
My mom's a wednesday child...full of woe apparently!! I'm a friday's child...loving and giving
The answer for me would have to be.....
Boring, plain and simpel love. I always wanted to get married, ever since I was small. Thinking that would solve all my childhood woe's, life is good and safe when you marry your prince and all that!!! But alas almost 32 and still a drift. By now though I actually quite like being free-ish. I've lived with partners twice and it turned into a disaster twice, haha! But the romantic side of me would still love to marry ....maybe some day romance will prevail
I no longer know if there is a good reason to get married. I think years of being single will do that to a person. I don't have any interest in being married. Not that I wouldn't do it at some point. Just haven't found her or the right reasons.
My handwriting sucks. I no longer write, I print - in all capital letters. My signature went to shit when I worked in a receiving office for five years and got to where I was just scribbling something vaguely resembling my signature. It eventually stopped looking like my signature. But it's what I have now.
It will do you good, I promise. 
I'm a friday's child...loving and giving
i would be haunted by a tall man in a hat.
i am most like delirium in the sandman, coz shes nuts.
a dead baby. i have to ring the police and its a terrible mess of paperwork.
i am napoleon. i wear platform shoes so i dont feel the need to start wars all the time.
wisdom: most of the time, inaction is the best course of action. problems sort themselves out.
marriage, a good way to get a visa. otherwise, a bit silly. stay with one person forever? what if u change ur minds?
an exact mix between my mothers and my fathers
i am afraid of the sensation of fear. once it takes hold, theres little i can do to make it go away. in truth, there is nothing much to be afraid of in life.
someone has been here, but forgot to dust over one of the footprints they were trying to hide.
i enjoyed talking to my boyfriend.
i do, but not out loud.
whats the best advice YOU have to offer?
to open a bottle cap with ur teeth, go around the edge prizing it off gently.
i lied to my boss to get the job. perhaps clever, but now i have to remember not to say th truth!
if i could return, i'd be a viking. if not... i like now.
9, is the number of stars down my spine
if only you were here, then you could be mine
I wish I could remember more about some of the past civilizations I've read about. I'm going to have to go with one of the pre-Incan cultures.
Number song?
"-1 Hurts Like Hell"