Saturday Oct 30, 2004

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I bought Anni Difranco, cradle of filth, and sarah's afterglow. Anni was probably the one I could have put back. I'm not saying she's talentless, but I just think there's a different meaning to it and I don't feel like digging deep right now. Cradle of filth was nice biggrin

Saturday Oct 30, 2004

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I cannot listen to sarah enough. I must have listened to this album at least 15 times since I first listened to it last night. I got to get more. I think now this has opened the door for more chickie folk artys music. But I need to be carefull. I am not interested in political statements and heartbroken relationships. I want to enter the...
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Saturday Oct 30, 2004

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CORRECTION: this guy probably could find ladies, just not anyone he cared for a lot. I remember this dream where I was actually dating this chick I knew for only a period of one month back in high school. It was the first time I genuinely fell in love. Her face has left a permenant imprint on my brain and its because of her that...
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opahl:
We had a brief thunderstorm earlier in the day, it was incredible, and out of place, a lot like the 80 degree temps we've had the past couple weeks.

Friday Oct 29, 2004

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Thank goodness for this rockers show! I just heard mastadon for the first time...gettin it! or probably should get it from someone else and make a copy? Nevertheless, the biggest surprise came from Sarah. The cd is just full of dark sweet moments and I didn't really expect the whole cd to be like that. I had heard Angel once and I thought it was...
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Friday Oct 29, 2004

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So I went to target to get some soda cause I have a credit card there and I"ll be broke till wednsday, spent a grand total of 11.91! Then I went to best buy and spent 91 on cd's. Blank cd's, lacuna coil, hatebreed, soilwork, deftones, and sarah mclaughlin. I'm getting ready to make some pork chops and stove top. and I"m looking forward to...
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Thursday Oct 28, 2004

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I wish people could have this like preview video of me and what I'm all about cause quite frankly, my looks don't give an inkling as to who I am. Goddamm gut, maybe I should get rid of my big asss gut, but then dumb bitches would be attracted to me and I dunno if I can handle that cause I'm so fucking naive. Aww...
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Thursday Oct 28, 2004

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It sure is nice to know that I don't have to worry about all those penis enlargement junk mails I get every day. I just find it amusing that even women get those ads. I'm trying to play some geetar, but its just not working out tonite. I took a fifteen minute catnap and now I won't be able to go to sleep till 2am....
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Thursday Oct 28, 2004

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Typical boring day at work. Blah Blah Blah, I'm going for a nap. Add me if u got yahoo....I need someone to talk to cause my socializing skills have dissappeared. biggrin

Wednesday Oct 27, 2004

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There is so much I want to write or type on here, but while I organize my thoughts together I want to say that the idea of someone else reading my journal makes me feel kinda guilty because I bitch about my depression a lot and it gets boring. I just feel bad for the reader because I really don't have an fascinating life, nor...
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luckystar:
welcome. i read your journal but you dont have to feel guilty, thats what its there for. hope venting helps you out.

Wednesday Oct 27, 2004

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1 hour ago: 14.5 miles away, waiting to get home and hopefully talk to someone.

55 mins ago: in my car about 13.4 miles away from home, smoking listening to a velvet revolver song on the radio (I can't play cd's anymore cause I accidentally ripped the cord off of the tape/cd converter).

53 mins ago: in my car about 13 miles away from home,...
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Tuesday Oct 26, 2004

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I hate the fact that I lived a sheltered life cause now that I'm on my own, I don't know where the fuck to go to explore life and I end up wasting time sleeping, dreaming about the future. Don't get me wrong, I believe in planning ahead, but who knows, I could get a leg amputated tommorow or get stabbed in the eye. I...
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isadora:
thank you smile

faith no more is all right, i guess, judging from my limited knowledge of them and taking into account that the last time i heard anything from them was yeeeears ago.

a welding kit is on my wishlist because i am a metalsmith/jewelry maker and i like to play with the torches wink

Tuesday Oct 26, 2004

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What can I say, this is day one and this journal thing is what pushed me over the edge into joining SG. Not only do I get to whine and think out loud to myself, but I also get to look at some chicks that I've only dreamed about, and boobies of course. I honestly dont' know what has stopped me from putting a gun...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
lostidentity:
surreal
lostidentity:
Update, six months later.


This seems to be the only way where I can make notes to myself and not get them viewed by others. And if you do by any chance read this, congratulations, you are witnessing my life.

Whats it been like six months later? One half step better. The only difference being I've met some really awesome people and some who are going through exactly what I'm going through. But today the bomb fell. I was asked not to attend the camping trip because of some comments I had made in an attempt to bring out laughter. I swear, I do NOT and would NEVER stand for someone actually being groped or whatever.....it was a joke running through the thread and I heard someone say 'manboobs' so I figured I'd get creative. Well, it didn't exactly work out that way.

Things that are the same. I still feel like putting a gun to my head. My entire life I've been labled as insignificant, dorky, and a goon. It just feels as though I will never be able to shake off those perceptions people have of me, which has resulted in me not getting out of the house much. I have given up. I've waited and received a glimmer of hope which turned out to be one big illusion. I think this is what my fate has been, to quietly dissappear from this life as I wasn't ever meant to be on it in the first place. I could be amongst a group of 200 people and as long as I"m getting along with two or three of them, I'm totally happy. It just feels so empty right now and the only thing I see in sight is the end.