lostidentity

I hate the fact that I lived a sheltered life cause now that I'm on my own, I don't know where the fuck to go to explore life and I end up wasting time sleeping, dreaming about the future. Don't get me wrong, I believe in planning ahead, but who knows, I could get a leg amputated tommorow or get stabbed in the eye. I want to experience life, but I've never been motivated by anyone or anything to go out and do something. I am the perfect definition of the words pathetic and loser, which doesn't make me a bad person by the way, it actually makes me a better person being able to analyze myself and being able to admit whats wrong with me and trying to fix it. I just always feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is fading and I feel pressured to find the light before its too late. I don't understand why it is that I graduated from a university and am not doing any type of work related to it. I'll admit that I can be impatient, but two years of this shit just makes me wonder about what it was I really accopmlished. I never wanted to use my degree as an excuse for intelligence because its simply not true. However, I thought it was supposed to get me ahead rather than make me a laughing stock for some. I'm definitely not made to be an office assistant or whatever simply because of the fact that I'm to naive to fully comprehend and adjust to office politics. But I will never succumb to the notion that 'its not who you are, its who you know'. Thats just a silly pathetic excuse. I KNOW that everyone has an opportunity in front of them every godamn day. Its just a matter of how one was raised in learning how to recognize it.

Now about this site. Its going to become another addiction. But a good one at that. The girls are simply fucking eatable! Then I look at Ophal and I realize why I once loved women. The sadness in her eyes just makes me want shed tears of joy. I stopped loving and thinking about women a few months ago. Almost a year ago actually. Its all stupid. I've never been in love, so I guess it shouldn't hurt as much. Somehow I've been able to accomplish that, I just want to make my job number one priority right now. I thought that this site was going to be pornographic, but I can already tell its not going to be that way. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet.