What can I say, this is day one and this journal thing is what pushed me over the edge into joining SG. Not only do I get to whine and think out loud to myself, but I also get to look at some chicks that I've only dreamed about, and boobies of course. I honestly dont' know what has stopped me from putting a gun to my head. I have so much to offer people and my job, but no one expresses any interest. Its pretty lonely feeling over here in Jersey, but I guess I have hope, or maybe I'm just too much of a pussy to actually pull the trigger. Actually, as of right now, I'm too broke to even buy a trigger. Funny thought of the moment? "Every time you masturbate, god kills a cat" I hate cats!!! So I'll see you next hour.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
This seems to be the only way where I can make notes to myself and not get them viewed by others. And if you do by any chance read this, congratulations, you are witnessing my life.
Whats it been like six months later? One half step better. The only difference being I've met some really awesome people and some who are going through exactly what I'm going through. But today the bomb fell. I was asked not to attend the camping trip because of some comments I had made in an attempt to bring out laughter. I swear, I do NOT and would NEVER stand for someone actually being groped or whatever.....it was a joke running through the thread and I heard someone say 'manboobs' so I figured I'd get creative. Well, it didn't exactly work out that way.
Things that are the same. I still feel like putting a gun to my head. My entire life I've been labled as insignificant, dorky, and a goon. It just feels as though I will never be able to shake off those perceptions people have of me, which has resulted in me not getting out of the house much. I have given up. I've waited and received a glimmer of hope which turned out to be one big illusion. I think this is what my fate has been, to quietly dissappear from this life as I wasn't ever meant to be on it in the first place. I could be amongst a group of 200 people and as long as I"m getting along with two or three of them, I'm totally happy. It just feels so empty right now and the only thing I see in sight is the end.