lostidentity

It sure is nice to know that I don't have to worry about all those penis enlargement junk mails I get every day. I just find it amusing that even women get those ads. I'm trying to play some geetar, but its just not working out tonite. I took a fifteen minute catnap and now I won't be able to go to sleep till 2am. great. wow. fucking great to be me...loser. Anyway, I've been checking out all these bubblicious women on this site, and there isn't one I wouldn't love to give oral to. But I'm oddly becoming more addicted to reading journals than the actual pics. Something must be wrong with me cause I totally expected me jerking off to some of these pics and it hasn't even been a remote possability. I'm so happy that I"m actually able to look at these pics as art rather than porn. I knew it would happen too cause sex gets old after a minute if I don't feel some type of connection other than physical. Amazing cause the first time a chick touched me I thought I was going to explode and when it didn't happen, I thought I was gay. It turns out that it took me losing my virginity to realize that I'm way deeper than sex. WAY much deeper. This thing I have for goth/punk/whatever chicks has its roots from high school. I was always a normal dressing one, but totally had the skaters mentality. I just never got a chance to show it cause the skaters thought I was lame cause I liked nirvana. I guess when a band becomes big, to their origional fans they become sell-outs and what not. I always loved Nirvana, but untill '94, I never really knew why. 1994 was when I bought my first bootleg called 'pay to play' and thats when I really started piecing things together. I loved nirvana because they played with passion and kurt always fucked his own songs up, sometimes on purpose, and I just thought that was way cool. But more simply put, I was fascinated by the live music. It just sounded so different to me. Anyway, my high school was in the boonies of PA and there was a lot of skater stuff and whatnot. I just thought purple hair and violet were hot. Its stuck with me forever, but I've never had a goth/punk friend before. Thats why this site is so amazing for me. Now I have the chance to interact with someone I've always wanted to and maybe help explain this weird thing. I hope my wife has violet hair or purple hair. I don't want to marry some blonde head in her ass worshipping christian who thinks that music is evil. Would you agree that the church is the biggest scam known to man? And I like to think of myself as a christian, but maybe I should be more of a 'new testimentalist'. I dont' believe in eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. I believe in if someone hits your right cheek, turn the other one also. Revenge is something I rarely even think of. Yet some of the most powerfull and richest people on this earth have used certain quotes to their advantage and have twisted meanings around so that it fits in their profile. This makes me question god in itself. How could god allow this to happen? But then I think, what difference would it make if you knew the answer anyway? Would you live life differently if you knew? I don't ask questions like "why am I here" and "whats the meaning of life" cause I think thats cheating and if I did know the answer it wouldn't matter at all. I believe god created us the way we are: sinners. But still, I believe in church somewhat. I mean the origional purpose of it was to get a sense of community because at its infancy, christians were being murdered for believing in what they believe. But the Greek Orthodox church as these mystical practices such as icons and incense that always captivate me and make me realize what I really am. Also the fact that the orthodox church as basically remained the same since the birth of the church is something I take into consideration. Do you ever realize how many sects there are to christianity? I think a lot of those roots date back to some monk rebelling against a certain practice or whatever and going on his own and starting his own church. Thats not right now is it? The catholic church of today, also stemmed from the orthodox church, and it is by far the biggest money making machine known to us today. I get really pissed off when people ask me "whats the orthodox church like?" and I get proud and tell them that their church derives from mine and they get all surprised and stuff. Fuck it. Its all one circle of arguments and what not. As long as you help someone else because you want to and don't murder anyone, I don't think god will care if you don't worship him everyday.