vassago

I hope I can be there for you because you make me think naughty things and that makes my day worth while without you who would I turn my dirty thought too?

hey sweetie, was just thinking about this and u came to mind. was thinking of how they do the detoxing while u are asleep. kinda wished that could happen to u . to make it easier . u seem like such a sweet person and the thought of u going through the pain of detoxing makes me all sad and shit. I only want the best for u and things to be easy while u are going through it. the pics look good by the way. u are still cute and some and yes we so should meet up someday. but as for now u are in my thoughts. i wish i could take some of your pain away and give it to pres bush.

I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein
And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I have made the big decision
I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death
And you can't help me now, you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sail the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that
In a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city
Where a man can not be free
Of all of the evils of this town
And of himself, and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a mainer to my vein
Leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off and dead
Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jim's in this town
And all the politicians makin' crazy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds
'Cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
Ah, when the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head
Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess I just don't know

was just listening to that and it actually cheered me up. got some news that i didn't want to get today. so now i have to go through the fertility meds once again and hope that next month will be the month with the good news. i feel like a fertlilty med lab rat,it's kinda getting me down. me being a mom will happen sooner or later. i gues i just need to keep myself happy and busy so i don't just sit here and dwell on the past

[Edited on Sep 10, 2004 11:00AM]

hey sweetie. i wish u all the luck. i hope this rebirth brings u into the life that u want and seek for yourself. u have had so much pain and hurt in your life . i hope that it changes. from what i have read in your journal i have come to see u as a very beautiful person. i wish others would see it too.

Well,

I do what I can... :

Started an
anthro group if you are interested...

Haven't really been online all that much..wanted to come and check in on ya..hope you're doing ok..stay strong.

someone like who, yourself?

Wow..sounds like me in some ways sweetie. Come on over and we can chill together sometime...who needs liars anyway?

KIT with me and let me know how things are going with u sweetie. the withdrawls are the worst part of it. wasn't my fav part. cureelise@hotmail.com the one thing that i hated the most was the first 30 days of not being able to talk to friends or family. i know it was for a good reason but i still wasn't to happy about it. talk about being lonely. one of my best friends is doing the rehab thing and has been writing me tons of letters , poems, thoughts or just whatever is on his mind. so far i'm the only one writing him back
FANTASY: to run very, very far away. ( You in hand? ) when do we start running

well tuesday has come and passed

was just thinking of some of your past entries. i hope things are getting better for you sweety.

Happy birthday. I hope to see again sometime soon.

how are you doing sweetie.

ty sweety. i really hope that your past will stop haunting u . i have someone from my past that was really verbably abusive towards me who still seems to slip into my mind or my dreams at times. i fucking hate it cause he had a way of really making me hate myself so i would turn to drugs to numb it. i felt so alone and like there was no way to escape . even now that i'm married and in another state he still haunts me to the point of where i can't eat or sleep. the one thing that he did that i thought was just right out cruel was fucking with me and my head when i was in my states of depression. it just really hurt knowing that he was making fun of me for being cyclothemic. he would be like u can't even get that right instead of just being bi polar u have to be border line bi polar or this cyclothemic thing they say u have. one of these days he will be out of my mind and dead to me. it's good to hear that things are getting a little better for u. take care of yourself sweety.

i'm sorry i didnt call until today, i hope you had a nice birthday