sid

I want to apologize for the last few [emo] journal entries here. I really hate being "that girl".

The past week or so has been tough on me mentally and physically. My illness decided to go haywire, and I freaked out about it. I'm not really in control of my own body anymore, and that is hard to accept.

I was officially given handicapped parking recently, and to be completely honest, I'm pretty sad about it. I've been lamenting recently about all the things I can't do anymore. Gone are the days of burlesque dancing, hiking up random mountain trails, running around like a kid... It's pretty much now, hobble here, stop, rub my knee, rub my back, use whatever "pain medicine" works for me this week... I can't help but feel sort of sorry for myself.

Growing up, I was taught to give way in public places for people who needed more space than I (ie, handicapped, strollers, etc), but now that I am walking via a cane, I'm noticing no one else was raised the same way I was. I find myself dodging people who stare me down rather than side-step an inch or two to help me get by. I find myself standing parallel to walls for others. What the hell is that? I'm not 100% able-bodied anymore, and I'm the one scooting aside for everyone else?

I guess the rudeness of others, on top of my own limitations are causing my mood to go in the absolutely wrong direction.

I'm trying to take a breather now and relax. I'm actually starting to think I don't know how to relax anymore...

And while I'm here, please check out my new set, Little Black Dress, in MR. It surely has no chance to be bought (it's only 91% loved, for some strange reason), but glances and critique are gladly encouraged.

Thanks!

x0x0,
Sid