Another one from my archives some might enjoy-
Why is it that some buses are always late? No matter what. And others are so effing early that you have to get out to the stop 10 minutes early, leaving you a good 20 minute radius in which the bus may, or may not arrive. ( especially an annoyance when say it’s 40 below.. or raining like crazy)
Dear cranky driver.. who .. responds to every simple question in a way only to belittle or humiliate the asker.. “Do I need a transfer to ride the light rail?”.. “What you need a transfer? Why would you need a transfer? You have a Go pass, do you know the balance on your card? We aren’t to that stop yet.. NO you don’t need a transfer your Go pass works on there too!” really? Was all the jibberish necessary?.. “ Excuse me? Do you go to 25th and Lyndale?” “ Where!!? What?.. My bus goes down Lyndale, but you may have to transfer to get to 25th.. if you’re lucky I’ll take you there, why do you look so confused? Hurry up you’re holding up the bus, get on or get off” … Also, you live in Minneapolis, stop fucking pretending you can’t understand what the poor person with an accent is saying, the whole bus understands the question and you just keep going “ WAT? WAT? WHAT?!”… not cool, you’re an ethnocentric A-hole who needs to get over the fact that there are more than white fat lards in the world like you. : )
Thanks for flooring it as soon as I step onto the bus in my high heels, I realize the light has just turned green, but do you have to pedal to the medal the second it does ?Is it to watch me flail and grab for anything to keep me from kissing the floor? Also Thanks for slamming on your breaks for every light too, I’m sure you didn’t see it turn yellow, or maybe it’s the enjoyment you get from ripping all those who are standing’s arm out of socket every red light. ..
How about that bus driver who’s true calling and dream was to be a radio host? Thanks for not only announcing every stop but also giving a tid bit of information about each stop, random information about what’s in the news, ect. Ect. This is what an Ipod is for. I am positive whoever invented it, rides the city bus.
It’s the dead of winter, but you can’t turn on the heat, .. it’s the heat of summer but you somehow just now found the heat. Awesome.
… Now don’t get me wrong, there are those great chipper and chatty bus drivers out there, that make you smile, drive properly and even keep the best ventilation going on the bus… but they are rare finds, and never seem to drive the route you need to take for long.. and we miss them dearly when they go.
Ok.. done with the ranting at the drivers.. how about the crowd joining me on the bus..
Hey I know.. this is a great time to decide on a new ringtone…Or make that phone call to bitch about your cable / internet, medical bills, at your significant other, to your BFF about your significant other. That girl that was all over your man..or my favorite, the giggler, you get on your phone and you giggle all the way to your destination to whomever you’re chatting with. You name it. I want to hear all about your personal life, so please.. no go ahead, keep yelling into your phone on the bus.
Hey Gangster buddies.. really just how much did you make from your drug sales this weekend? Did you really bust a cap in that guys ass? Hipsters too hip for themselves, decked out in every type of clich'e way possible, chattering about the humanitarian they are, going green adopting poor abused animals from shelters, and donating their limitless time to charities.. and reading the latest intellectual book to enhance their hipster-ness.
What great time to make out and fondle your significant other too. Or the stranger who puts his arm up on the seat around you…(?), stares at you, tries to start a conversation even though you obviously have an Ipod in to avoid just that. “ HEY !! HEY you!! Hey” “ yeah” .. “ Did THAT hurt? That ring in your lip?!” .. “What about your nose?! Or your Tattoos.. wow you’re brave” really? You’ve yelled 8 times to get me to remove my headphones to ask me this? And no, I am not brave, brave is saving someone’s life in the eye of danger… not getting a piercing or ink. Social misfits ignoring any queue given to leave me the hell alone!
So here we all are cramped into a bus, everyone is standing in the aisle but miss rude-rudster gets pissed b/c you’re standing a little close, and yells “ EXCUSE ME?!! You wanna move”.. “ yeah actually I’d love to move but this bus is so packed.. I can’t really, so deal with it just like everyone else is..” hey you at the back of the bus, are you really smoking a cigarette?!! Blatantly not even trying to put the smoking end out of the window.. wow. You can go sit next to the individual who is sipping on their hard liquor from a coffee mug, but we can all smell it, that is not coffee.. well maybe ¼ of it is..
And here’s to you captain anxious: yes I know your stop is coming up b/c you have put your gloves back on, or you’ve gathered the handles to your purse, or you have slightly adjusted your body to indicate this is your stop.. do you really need me to stand up and move out of your way 5 minutes before your stop when there are people standing in the aisle, and I’m sure some of them will be getting off too, so if you just hold your horses the whole process will go much much smoother. .. and actually if you would just relax, this is my stop too.. and I’m OUT! Ya know.. maybe biking to work isn’t such a bad idea.