kimsalad

I had my first lesbian experience at about thirteen. The same year that I learned to rollerblade, I learned to appreciate the boobies. It was with a friend of mine, Bethany, and the only reason for it was that we saw some hottt sexx0r movie about girlsex and thought, "hey, tht's not stupid."

t's not much like you see in the movies about hottt sexx0r. In fact, it was most basically the exact opposite of hottt sexx0r. Picture it: Two young girls sitting side-by-side on a bed (hands where I can see, boys) not really knowing what they were going to do, and both waiting for the other to do it. Even lesbians don't understand lesbians.

Soon there are giggles and akward glances, and eventually Beth was the one to have the courage to lean in for a kiss. I was stupid about it -- I thought about Johnathan Taylor Thomas (I had a subscription to Tiger Beat) and when Beth started making these really overly ambitious grunting sounds I pulled away for a moment to tell her that I kind of had to pee. She didn't much care for that. She slid her hand down under my skirt and over my crotch.

Beth: What the fuck?! You have no penis!
KimS: Should I have a penis?
Beth: Don't one of us need a penis?
KimS: I figured you would have one -- you asked me out, isn't that the rule?

That's about the point where it became less of a "special moment" and more of a sort of Junkyard Wars episode, with my friend now rummaging through my room looking for parts. She soon surfaced with a candle in hand and you can't imagine the look on her little face, man, the pride and the glory in her eyes. What could I say to such ambition? I was willing to give it a shot.

Tying a candle to a girls crotch is hard work. It wasn't going as planned at all. My dear Casadyka came up with the ingenius plan to melt the candle to me. I didn't like that idea a whole lot. "Isn't it worth it? For me?" She cooed. I broke. I always break. And before I knew it I had a girl kneeling over me dripping wax all over my most sensitive parts.

Once the wax formed a nice base, she decided to tape it on with duct tape for security. I wondered why I let her torture me with the hot wax if she was just going to tape it on in the end. She didn't seem to care at this point -- she was very determined to upgrade my systems. After some terrifyingly tedious work, she deemed my new penis sturdy enough for the job. She plopped herself down on the bed, spread her legs, and motioned for me to come over.

I then proceeded to penetrate my best friend with my candlecock. There was no pleasure in this for me. It still hurt like a bitch, and I figured I would never be able to bear children, but I wanted to finish what we started in hopes that I'd get my turn later. But it was not to be. Bethany sprung into the air and backed away from me, trembling.

KimS: What? What's wrong?
Beth: YOU ARE SOME SORT OF SATAN!
KimS: What did I do wrong? I'm sorry?
Beth: Oh, God, get away from me!
KimS: Beth, what the hell? Seriously!
Beth: AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! *random flapping of limbs*
KimS: Calm yourself.

But calm she would not be. She threw a textbook at me, kicked my cat into a pile of laundry, spat on my rollerblades and ran screaming out of the house. She had sure as hell been spooked. Little did she know that the burning sensations in her groin were not so much an act of satanic ritual, but her very first and probably last orgasm. I discovered them myself that same night, picking off the wax and watching Power Rangers.