nexttuesday

Eh what's another drug added to the regime right? Apparently I really cant function without the ones Im one. So yeah, throw another down my throat. Im fuzzy. I feel like I have a small expulsion of static electricity. My hairs feel they are minutely vibrating. My muscles are relaxed. I know its past my bedtime yet I find myself hardly able to care. Im...
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I'm honestly filled with so much happiness that I feel like it's just going to burst out of my chest and spew all over anyone in a 100 foot radius of me. I couldn't even tell you why. I really don't even care why. I'm just soaking it up and it feels so very sweet.

Those of you following my journey prolly want to know...
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I debated about writing a new journal, because I really liked yesterdays entry. But I realized that lesson is set and now I have to share what I learned yesterday. Because I like to share whether you like it or not

Yesterday I learned my Momma taught me to doubt myself.

Before you take that wrong, let me explain. If you have ever met me...
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I learned something yesterday.

"Our enemies are people we demonize because we will not accept they are just like us"

My jaw literally dropped when I heard that and maybe it wont hit you with so much power but it really blew me away. I harbor so much hatred towards people who have "wronged" me. That hatred is eating my soul and causing me to...
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Cancer free, tumor free, not life threatening....

<breathe>

I am blessed I get to live another day. I am blessed to have a mother willing to do whatever it takes to get me back to health. I am blessed to have family and friends and bosses that care so much about me they will do whatever it takes to help me find my way. I...
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I AM CANCER AND TUMOR FREE SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Okay thats the good news. The bad news is Im still having attacks and I dont know what to fucking do about it. I asked the nurse what the next step is and she wasnt sure and of course the doc is in surgery. Grrr. Dont you think he couldve thought ahead? Whatever.

I think I want a...
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Im not sure if Im slightly off balance on the verge of dizzy or if Im just so tired I can't exactly see straight.

Please take away my brain kthnx

All I want is to be independently wealthy so I can just stay at home and cuddle. Then it wont matter if I have an attack. Ill be safe.

Regardless of the mini attacks I keep having, I had a wonderful weekend.

Honeybunchez came to get me yesterday and we went to a kegger in Ktown. I dont think I've been to a kegger since I was 17 or 18. Course I didnt drink, but I was social and I did interact with people without freaking out or having an attack. Sweeeeet. I let...
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So today I got put on FMLA so I cant be fired for missing work due to my illness. My doctor basically just had to sign some forms stating what my disease does to me and la te da. That take a bit off my mind.

Im still terrified of what the test results will be.

I feel very alone and scared.....

maybe I should have let my Mom come with me.

I have a serious case of the What Ifs and I really really could use a friend by my side right now. God, let me be strong enough to go see honeybunchez tomorrow.

I cant be lazy anymore. It's just not an option. You might think "Well its good not to be lazy". Which is true, but its also very hard for me for three reasons. Not excuses, reasons. 1. I work a whole hell of a lot which yall know and it really wears me out. 2. My meds (especially the ones I take when I have...
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I miss my two best guy friends immensely right now. One I will thankfully see if a few weeks. The other...I just dont know

*holds the boombox above her tiny head*



and for the other