Lazy Sunday
My head is still clear. I had one two-day freak-out since beginning my new meds, but otherwise I've felt fine without incident. I have spent the weekend drawing and writing while my incomplete knowledge of eighties music haphazardly searches youtube for music to art to. The cleared head solves the problem I was having that made me the most upset, out of several dozen things that are upsetting me on any given day- the inability to form coherent thoughts because I was so exhausted.
I think I'm still exhausted, but I can't really feel it now. It's a weird sensation that I have difficulty putting into print, my mind feels as close to 'normal' as I can imagine now, but I'm largely unaware of how tired my body is until I begin cheerfully walking to the mailbox. Oh yeah, I'm still kinda crippled, I remind myself, after huffing along the last few steps. It's like I'm being numbed to the fatigue unless I exert myself. My blood is a little lower than it was the last time I went to the Cancer Clinic, but it still feels above transfusion level. My mood seems to have greatly improved as well; I don't feel pre-SSA saga good yet, but luckily I only feel pre-anemia cranky right now. I just haven't actually fixed the anemia yet.
I drew two animal-themed pictures this weekend and gave them to the ladies they were for. The first was a picture of Porhyria Suicide in pirate garb atop an octopus. The second picture I drew was Heatherbat atop throwing up the horns and happily riding a giant bat. I noticed afterwards that I am very bad at drawing Porphyria Suicides and Heatherbats, but fairly decent at drawing octopusses and bats. Maybe I should do a furry comic?
I've pulled some scraps together out of my old writing files and am trying to write a second novel. The only full novel I've written so far is Dragon Bass for NaNoWriMo several years ago, and it was so terrible that it will likely never see the light of day, even if I do accomplish the impossible of being a published author. Now that I've calmed down some, I'm going to need something to keep myself busy or I'm bound to start getting depressed again and start having more anxiety attacks. I've also been writing back and forth to Jaimes mother, author PM Smith. I've met a couple of times in person and shes a very nice lady, super-intelligent and knows what I'm talking about when I babble on about 'needing to write things out'. She's kinda jumpy, though, and I'm constantly afraid that I'm going to say the wrong thing to her and she'll quit talking to me.
I need to figure out more music to write to.
I've always thought that soundtracks and scores would be good to write to, though they may set the tone a bit too strongly. I dunno. What do you use now?
and you may be hearing from me asking for advice.. he's never been on meds before for depression.. and he may also have aspbergers syndrome. he's so scared of them somehow "changing" him into someone else. he's talking to the doctors while he's in to see if they can run some tests to see if he has it.. he's also applying for medical aid.. so I'm hoping everything works out okay. you're pretty much the authority on being able to navigate the system.. so if i need help trying to figure stuff out, you'll be hearing from me.
right now were taking it one step at a time.