velocity

Once again, children; listen up, because this is important.

You should not list "I used to move dank on the North Side" under Previous Employment on a job application. Employers, for whatever reason, tend to consider that a little bit gauche.

It's insane that I've had to say that twice in my life. Completely insane.

Last night coming home from night school, hands full, keys held in my teeth, I fumbled in the cold in front of my apartment building. I finally set down some of the bags I was carrying, took my keys out of my mouth, and took a sizeable chunk of my lip with it. It was that cold. In the two minutes from car to door,...
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The absolute best thing about Thanksgiving is having apple pie and ice cream for breakfast the next day.

I asked my favorite student yesterday if she had any special plans for Thanksgiving, and she said, "I'm going to listen to my mother cry all weekend."

It seems her brother has a weakness for the pretty ladies on the internet, and so when a pretty internet lady said to him, "Gosh, I seem to have lost my I.D., and I have this money order...
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A few of my kids overheard me refer to someone as a "Grade-A Cockmonkey" today (thankfully they didn't catch that I was referring to my boss), and this is how the successive four hours went:

Dead silence...

Somebody whispers, "Hey, Cockmonkey!"

Chorus of giggles...

Repeat ad nauseam.

I won't claim I wasn't asking for it, but for fuck's sake, it stopped being funny after...
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I took my parents out to lunch, I bought new sheets, I'm considering buying a pair of winter shoes. I told my dad it was okay for him to burn the bed I've slept in since I was seven, if that's what he wanted to do with it. I learned that I can (and happily do) take up the entirety of a queen sized bed...
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I've suddenly found myself with a clean slate. I have a golden ticket. It all changes from here on out. I'm going to have to put a lot of thought into how it changes, though. I made a few mistakes the last time around.

What would you do with a clean slate?

I don't know. I'm thinking of signing up for Netflix-- and, goddamn, that's...
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Fuck teaching, fuck comic book writing, I'm going to be the next world champion of Chess Boxing.



Now I just need to learn to play chess, and learn to box.

Apparently you can stab your sister in the neck, but if she doesn't press charges, you don't go to lockup. I had a nice long chat with the little guy's probation officer, and we decided it was entirely the mom's fault. Then I had a nice long chat with Older Sister about how safe and comfortable she would feel in my classroom if Little Brother...
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Last night one of our students stabbed his sister in the neck with a pencil while screaming, "You fucking cunt whore bitch! Why do you always have to be better than me?" While I can commiserate with the sentiment and desire to stab one's sister in the neck, it'll be sad to see him go to lockup (again).

I saw this about to happen ever...
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Yesterday I was helping a student with his English homework. The assignment was on reading comprehension; he was supposed to cut an article out of the newspaper, and then answer a whole bunch of questions about it. Les came up to my desk with what he had, and it was a big headline, a big picture, two scant paragraphs, and then "continued on A12". Of...
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Today I listened with great satisfaction as two of the ghettoest hoodrats I've ever had the pleasure of knowing spent forty-five minutes debating the nature of God and Self. They put motherfucking Nietsche to shame. I wish I could have recorded it for posterity.

It's amazing how these kids will rise to my expectations, no matter how high I set them. It gives me hope...
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