Morgan was right.
It's been awhile now.
Ive healed so much.. Im even about to detox completely (a little more than a week)
But still, she was right.
As she said: "after her, Noone else will ever have me."
I didnt believe it.. I thought i was at least sort of cute, in my own "Boy Bjork" sort of way....
And I though that somewhere...
Read More
It's been awhile now.
Ive healed so much.. Im even about to detox completely (a little more than a week)
But still, she was right.
As she said: "after her, Noone else will ever have me."
I didnt believe it.. I thought i was at least sort of cute, in my own "Boy Bjork" sort of way....
And I though that somewhere...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
tomorrow i drop to 30mg.
then, soon.. i detox fully.
I know ive been distant... but that will ALLL die very soon..
I need you now.
Those who stand by me at this owest point will be the only close ones allowed near me when I am free.
I love you embrace me, fallen if I am.
PS: I have Completely redone my pics section....
Read More
then, soon.. i detox fully.
I know ive been distant... but that will ALLL die very soon..
I need you now.
Those who stand by me at this owest point will be the only close ones allowed near me when I am free.
I love you embrace me, fallen if I am.
PS: I have Completely redone my pics section....
Read More
avafalls:
I hope I can be there for you because you make me think naughty things 
and that makes my day worth while 
without you who would I turn my dirty thought too?
and that makes my day worth while without you who would I turn my dirty thought too?
cureelise:
hey sweetie, was just thinking about this and u came to mind. was thinking of how they do the detoxing while u are asleep. kinda wished that could happen to u . to make it easier . u seem like such a sweet person and the thought of u going through the pain of detoxing makes me all sad and shit. I only want the best for u and things to be easy while u are going through it. the pics look good by the way. u are still cute and some and yes we so should meet up someday. but as for now u are in my thoughts. i wish i could take some of your pain away and give it to pres bush.
I dreamt last night...
Of the coming crisis. If I will succeed in detoxing.. I am almost ready for the hospital now.
it almost all that I think about.
Mg, I dreamt of you for the first since you left me.
I dreamt of your body, of curling up into it the way that I once did.
Instead of being marred by fear and pain,...
Read More
Of the coming crisis. If I will succeed in detoxing.. I am almost ready for the hospital now.
it almost all that I think about.
Mg, I dreamt of you for the first since you left me.
I dreamt of your body, of curling up into it the way that I once did.
Instead of being marred by fear and pain,...
Read More
cureelise:
I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein
And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I have made the big decision
I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death
And you can't help me now, you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sail the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that
In a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city
Where a man can not be free
Of all of the evils of this town
And of himself, and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a mainer to my vein
Leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off and dead
Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jim's in this town
And all the politicians makin' crazy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds
'Cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
Ah, when the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head
Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess I just don't know
was just listening to that and it actually cheered me up. got some news that i didn't want to get today. so now i have to go through the fertility meds once again and hope that next month will be the month with the good news. i feel like a fertlilty med lab rat,it's kinda getting me down. me being a mom will happen sooner or later. i gues i just need to keep myself happy and busy so i don't just sit here and dwell on the past
[Edited on Sep 10, 2004 11:00AM]
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein
And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I have made the big decision
I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death
And you can't help me now, you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sail the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that
In a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city
Where a man can not be free
Of all of the evils of this town
And of himself, and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a mainer to my vein
Leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off and dead
Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jim's in this town
And all the politicians makin' crazy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds
'Cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
Ah, when the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head
Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess I just don't know
was just listening to that and it actually cheered me up. got some news that i didn't want to get today. so now i have to go through the fertility meds once again and hope that next month will be the month with the good news. i feel like a fertlilty med lab rat,it's kinda getting me down. me being a mom will happen sooner or later. i gues i just need to keep myself happy and busy so i don't just sit here and dwell on the past
[Edited on Sep 10, 2004 11:00AM]
Two people have been very direct with me over the past week.
Both have given me these lectures because I had made attempts to ressurect friendships with them, and in their understanding.. I have failed.
I have lost a dozen people in my life these past 12 months.. maybe even more.
I couldnt see what was so ugly about me, or so evil, or so...
Read More
Both have given me these lectures because I had made attempts to ressurect friendships with them, and in their understanding.. I have failed.
I have lost a dozen people in my life these past 12 months.. maybe even more.
I couldnt see what was so ugly about me, or so evil, or so...
Read More
cureelise:
hey sweetie. i wish u all the luck. i hope this rebirth brings u into the life that u want and seek for yourself. u have had so much pain and hurt in your life . i hope that it changes. from what i have read in your journal i have come to see u as a very beautiful person. i wish others would see it too.
You are a liar.
I am a liar.
WE are fucking liars.
I am a liar.
WE are fucking liars.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
:
adeline:
Haven't really been online all that much..wanted to come and check in on ya..hope you're doing ok..stay strong.
your try to climb, telling yourself that it wont be getting worse.
then something or someone knocks you right down.
then something or someone knocks you right down.
bracket:
*sigh* sad isnt it........ 
saturn1:
someone like who, yourself?
Im immobilized.
Depression and apathy are real things.
Can you comprehend what it's like to not be able to leave your house?
Of course you can't... but you pretend to.
This thing makes you lie in a bed and cry and dare yourself to go home.
If you even dare utter a word of it to either of the two people that still talk to...
Read More
Depression and apathy are real things.
Can you comprehend what it's like to not be able to leave your house?
Of course you can't... but you pretend to.
This thing makes you lie in a bed and cry and dare yourself to go home.
If you even dare utter a word of it to either of the two people that still talk to...
Read More
I thought you , of anyone, were bigger than this. But still, your pulling the SAME bullshit the others have. I dont know how to forgive people for it anymore; because it isnt necesssary. Im human.. Ive made mistakes... but not to the point that I be laden with so many lies and so much grief and foolishness.
I am by no meansa perfect kid......
Read More
I am by no meansa perfect kid......
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
lunna:
Wow..sounds like me in some ways sweetie. Come on over and we can chill together sometime...who needs liars anyway?
cureelise:
KIT with me and let me know how things are going with u sweetie. the withdrawls are the worst part of it. wasn't my fav part. cureelise@hotmail.com the one thing that i hated the most was the first 30 days of not being able to talk to friends or family. i know it was for a good reason but i still wasn't to happy about it. talk about being lonely. one of my best friends is doing the rehab thing and has been writing me tons of letters , poems, thoughts or just whatever is on his mind. so far i'm the only one writing him back
FANTASY: to run very, very far away. ( You in hand? ) when do we start running
FANTASY: to run very, very far away. ( You in hand? ) when do we start running
ok, i get it.
It's like someone just reached over and pulled my eyelids open, eyes that I was struggling to keep shut.
I see what I've been doing, and it isn't fair. Not to me, not to you.
Time to stop, I wont hold your hand, I wont let you hold mine.
This whole construct is a lie. And it's my fault for listening...
Read More
It's like someone just reached over and pulled my eyelids open, eyes that I was struggling to keep shut.
I see what I've been doing, and it isn't fair. Not to me, not to you.
Time to stop, I wont hold your hand, I wont let you hold mine.
This whole construct is a lie. And it's my fault for listening...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
saturn1:
well tuesday has come and passed
cureelise:
was just thinking of some of your past entries. i hope things are getting better for you sweety.
My birthday this weekend was nice... thanks to a certain handful of you....
I missed some people. I might have a belated get together at my place this weekend.
Im really depressed right now. Currents are moving in ways i never predicted.
I really wish 'A' wasn't leaving. It doesnt feel right soemhow.. but it is what she wants....
I think that I always thought...
Read More
I missed some people. I might have a belated get together at my place this weekend.
Im really depressed right now. Currents are moving in ways i never predicted.
I really wish 'A' wasn't leaving. It doesnt feel right soemhow.. but it is what she wants....
I think that I always thought...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
miyabi_sama:
Happy birthday. I hope to see again sometime soon.
cureelise:
how are you doing sweetie.
Keep going mate, don't ever give up, you'll make it.
either way, i'll still be your friend if you need one!
btw, i looked at your pics...you're beautiful! you have really sad, deep eyes!!!
[Edited on Sep 13, 2004 9:05AM]