susannahjoy

i hate my sister. i cant wait until i dont have to live with her anymore. i am so tired of getting yelled at when i didnt do a damn fucking thing wrong and then having my parents yell at me for being too obnoxious or something, i dont know. today she refused to do any kind of yardwork or anything because she doesnt have...
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i put up some pics from tahoe finally. and if you're a real glutton for punishment you can read my very long drunk entry before this.

for some reason i've been thinking about my ex a lot lately. i miss him. kinda. mostly i miss being with someone. i dunno. i'm just feeling all lonely tonight.

and yeah, i'm drunk again. ah, nothing like drinking alone on a friday night even though the last time i did this i ended up throwing up and feeling all sick and all that ickiness....
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i officially have a crush! it's been a long time. she's in my precalc class and likes invader zim and is quite lovely. heehee. i'm a dork.
in other news though, only 15 more days til i dont live with my parents anymore, yay! that'll be grand. hopefully once i'm living in bakersfield i'll get to see nick more too, that'd be good.
i have...
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i love being back in school. but that doesnt mean that i dont still love not having school tomorrow cuz of ceaser chavez day. i didnt even know that was a holiday. but bakersfield is definetly the one place that would sorta have to recognize it, seeing as how he's a local guy. i had a huge crush on his nephew actually. heehee.
so yeah....
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i think i'm just paranoid. i'm always second guessing myself and my relationships. does nick really want to be friends with me? i mean, ok, he has a good excuse for not talking to me much over the past week or so, but what about before then? and he could've at least said happy easter or something. that and the last time i saw him...
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i live in almost constant pain. it's really fucking annoying. damn chest. i've had countless ekg's and mri's and x-rays and all that, but they all say that i'm fine, so i guess i just have to trust that. today it was pretty bad though. i felt like i couldnt breathe. grrs. i feel a bit better now, but meh. it's just frustrating. i just...
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monkey banana raffle!!!!

yay i'm home. trip was mostly fun. i spent a lot of time staring at my cell phone wishing i could call john though. blech. i adore my snowboard!!!! it was so nice. super smooth and fast and sooooo much easier to make nice sharp turns with. awesome. i took a gazillion and a half pics that i'll upload later. right now, i'm just gonna...
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early tomorrow morning i'm going to tahoe. fun times! some slightly good thing to help ease my anxiety, my parents are only paying for one llift ticket, after that if we want to go again we have to pay for it, so that'll be a good excuse to not go again. once will be enough. i know, it's totally fucked up that i'm so terrified...
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