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Wow, so I thought since I only paid once that I would only have the subscription for the time I paid for; but apparently I haven't canceled it- but when the fuck was I paying for it I want to fucking know. A@#P(%$PUFSDLKFJ

So, I miss everyone; thank you for the happy birthdays. School is enriching. I go to Tyler School of Art; part of...
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sigma:
Wow...you commented.
clintron:
I visited Temple a couple of times when I was debating school.
The whole urban reclamation thing kind of freaked me out.

Shows how much school is really just a business.
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Welp... in about 3 hours I'll be heading off to college. How exciting.

I won't have a computer, though I'm sure I can some how finangle my way on to someone else's to catch up with everyone.

If I don't I hope everyone takes care, it was nice cyber-conversing with all of you smile

..:shockedneLastBigSigh::..
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peahats:
its october! i hope that your college is enriching... you must have done loads of assignments since you posted, maybe you will read this on winter break! smile
scagnetti:
Thats one Sullen profile pic. frown smile
College will perk you right up !
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Wow, I'm sorry
August has definitely been a whirlwind of errands upon errands upon friend-visitations upon trips East.

Yeah... preparing for college is way more than high school.

I've never realized how many people I knew... or all the things my mother does for me... or all the materials I "need" in a day.

So I've come to the conclusion I should definitely minimize my...
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sigma:
My sister gave the same answer you gave but from my perspective (and I think other guys) the tits are much more unique than the beaver...and also I'm begining to think that it's somehow engrained in women that their vagina is an unattractive thing, and maybe it is, but guys want to see every part of a woman if we are looking at her naked.
suffocating_lux:
nooooooo u cant leave!
become a sh urself then u get a lifetime membership
see- easy
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Should I take that as a low blow Mr. Alias shocked

..::chuckles::..

ahhhh.... lets see.... responses;

It was funny when I read your previous comments cause I was contemplating just the idea of suicide at that time... but not because I had done everything I've wanted

I didn't know what I wanted
I didn't really have a purpose, plan, or destination
I felt like I was...
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letoskald:
Hey man, dont kill yourself. That is a permannent solution to a temporary problem. Believe me man, I know ALL about being lonely. I live from one day to the next feeling like there is a black hole inside of me, sucking away everything that could ever possibly make me happy. So in the words of dirty Joe dirt, "Life is a garden man, dig it." If you ever need an ear, look me up. Cool?
jspooky:
The last 4 years?! That's terrible. We need an intervention or something.

Can you buy me a plane ticket?
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I figured out a cure for my problems-
It's east of my present residence and I can't wait until I'm out there for good.

However, Myrtle Beach blows...
though I did return with a great glass gift.
I don't think there is a pun intended


oh well... back to cleaning
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hornitos:
summer has come
now it's gone
and i think
i missed it

i had so many plans
how did they get
so twisted?
sigma:
Cleaning is good for the soul...

...so is responding to people on your friends list occasionally.
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That's it- I'm coming out.
I have more issues than I take credit for-I really am as crazy as everyone thinks I am.

This is how pathetic it is- 3 times I found myself sitting on the floor of my work place's restrooms crying. Do you understand how disgusting that is?
I didn't even have a good reason to cry.

I just couldn't help it....
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thejosh:
Good luck, love! smile
thepenismightier:
I'm sorry for you, I hope it all works out.
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Background info:
-HS guidance counselor tried to get me on medication for anxiety/stress stuff... parents blamed me for doing it to myself and told me i was fine.
-My HS guidance counselor also told me i would make a good drug addict.


It's a lose-lose situation at best.


I wish I could though.
If you can't beat them (and honestly, I can't) join them.
I...
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sigma:
You know to be honest I've been contemplating suicide again lately myself...this time not in that morose depressed real emotional I hate this world sort of way.

Right now I'm contemplating suicide for practical reasons...you see pretty soon I will have done everything I wanted to do in life...so why stay alive in a world that I don't particularly like very much???
metaleric:
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I've posted it before
because it comes up so often
I never have anything to say

Sometimes I think it might be that I don't find anything to be of great importance.

Like, I was thinking about how much I dislike being a girl sometimes and I tried to think of reasons why I do like being a girl all those other times so that...
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thejosh:
Standards are a good thing. Without those standards you would just be miserable doing what everyone else considered fun, exciting or interesting. I don't believe standards can ever be too high. Society only dislikes high standards because they make normal people look like keep sellouts (for lack of a better term).

Example, my friends don't mind women with a little extra pudge on them, but me I have to have a skinny girl. Not because their is really anything wrong with pudgy girls, just that I find them unattractive. I could go out dating pudgy girl, but I would be completely miserable and bored out of my wits. But my friends still riddicule me over it. Telling em my standards are too high, BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
sigma:
Try prozac maybe?
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You know what else doesn't gain you friends?

Not knowing what to talk about.

And it's not that you aren't an intelligent person and have nothing interesting to say- it's that you can't discern wether that person is able to maintain a thought provoking conversation.

And, when you find yourself with this person that you've known either for years or for minutes; unable to think...
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sigma:
Your journal is like teen angst in a box...I so love it.
jspooky:
You're speaking my language.

If you lived in town, we'd have lunch or something. I'm sure we could find something to talk about. Well, at least something that's not nothing.
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Fudge bars make me smile.

I hear I'm not nice- but this is what I'm getting at. My nice is not everyone else's nice and it gets frustrating and tiring trying to be that nice, so when I'm just my nice I'm being a bitch. Cause I'm not keeping up to par- following?

Even though I think I'm trying to be nice according to someone...
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sigma:
"I hear I'm not nice- but this is what I'm getting at. My nice is not everyone else's nice and it gets frustrating and tiring trying to be that nice, so when I'm just my nice I'm being a bitch. Cause I'm not keeping up to par- following?"

Do I follow? Are you kidding me???

For the first time in my life I think I've found something to relate to.

It's like no one is searching for truth anymore...like everyone is just dandy with their illusions and that's fucking freaky.

So when you try to keep it real everyone is like 'loosen up, have fun' and it's like 'look fuckers don't you get that it's all crashing down around us???' but everyone is all 'well eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die' and I think that is just such bullshit myself.

What ever happened to the pusuit of life? Why am I surrounded by idiotic hedonists?

Don't you just love it when one of them hits a down point and you want to be like 'I told you so fucker' but you know if you said that they would probably kill themselves.

*sigh* it's sucks to be smart.
jspooky:
You've got it. People live their whole lives without gaining as mature of a view as you have. Are you really 18? j/k

You'll be fine. Just keep doing what you're doing. You'll find your notch.
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So I've been dwelling on it
And it's just as pointless as everything else is and I won't consider what my problem was anymore.
I'll get over it.
Feelings are so momentary yet I spend days analyzing each one.
I think I need something better to do with my time.

And I would use it for something good- but I'm not that nice (so I...
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thejosh:
Analyzing is a good thing. Analyzing emotions is complicated. Just decide what is right as far as you are concerned and if you did nothing wrong according to you then don't worry about it. Don't worry able pleasing other people and make sure you are happy.

So why are you not nice?
magni:
I don't like analyzing anymore.

You change your self by observing yourself. Live life as it comes and the analyst will be doing her work anyway. No need to do overtime. You'll see.

Just ride the fucking emotions.
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I think it's guilt
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thejosh:
So you feel guilty for being pretty?

So feel that people treat you like good person only because of your looks?

Does that make you a bad person?

If you are a physically beautiful person then be proad of it. I am rather cute myself and I am very happy about it. So people judge you on your looks, don't feel guilty for their ignorance.

Everyone makes judgements based on first appearance and the idea that someone could see through the looks and like you for you is very romantic, but not human nature. At least if they want to know you based on looks you can make them see how great a person you too. But if you were ugly then they would have never likely even cared to get to know the real you. Consider yourself luckly that people want to know you for whatever reason.
howdidigethere:
i agree