"I was married 3 times", explained a man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first two wives died from eating poison mushrooms and my third wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame," said the friend, "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
plumpp:
Hahaha
"I suppose it is true, my life does resemble a butterfly's existence, moving around from one flower to the next. But of course, butterflies do pollinate. There is a point to their activity. I hope there is to mine." - Jonathan Miller
Two words........restraining order.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
suispud1:
@remod66 , I'm saving THAT sordid tale for my memoirs.
remod66:
Understood and respected!
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde
amarena:
Have you ever heard his famous last words? "Either these curtains go or I do". LMAO Such a witty motherfucker.
suispud1:
@amarena , he was ahead of time. By several generations.
A jet plane suddenly bursts into flames whilst it is thousands of feet in the air. Everyone is panicking, death is imminent. One woman stands up and declares, "I want to feel like a woman one last time if anyone here is man enough to do it." A man near her promptly stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this."
(Given the...
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suispud1:
Maybe this was a bad idea.
lalou:
Lol, I love jokes like these.
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt
Once. my identity was stolen. A short time later it was returned to me. With condolences.
Really, it's true.
The other day I was perusing the magazine rack at the neighborhood grocery store (bodega, canteen, PX) when some writing on the cover of a magazine caught my eye....
"Sarah Jessica Parker, Shoe Designer"
What?????
Somewhere, an unemployed blacksmith is weeping.
"Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong. " - Peter McIntyre
"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time." - Anna Freud
lalou:
Because the only person you can rely on is yourself.
I've lost 10 followers since yesterday. (But who's counting?) But hey, it's okay, just as long as I don't lose YOU.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
suispud1:
Right you are, @lunar
lalou:
I ain't going anywhere!
A man goes straight to the bar and asks the barmaid for a beer, which she begins to pour. While he's waiting, he notices a small food menu off to the side. Cheese Sandwich $5, Ham Sandwich $5, Handjob $5. In disbelief he looks at the barmaid, who is absolutely gorgeous, and asks, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" "Yep," she replies with...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
usagimomo:
Mwahah!
lyxzen:
Ha!!