snakeplissken

Fuck it, stop moping jason. Get on with your life even if you don't want to. Try to love yourself even if you don't. Just try for fucks sake. That's the only way anything will ever get better. You've been through the alternative and you almost didn't survive. You wouldn't have if it wasn't for someone. You don't have that now. You blew it. Do it yourself. Maybe that's what you need, to do it yourself. The worst you can do is fail. And if you do at least you tried. The world has losers and winners, but the real difference isn't what is accomplished but what is attempted. That's the first step. Breathe. Stop crying when you're ready, but don't give up in the meantime even if you really really want to. I hope this is only temporary.

I'm worried because I'm not depressed. Instead I find myself angry. A lot. At myself mostly for being a constant fuckup. At the world. At every slight irritation. I have no patience anymore for anything or anyone, let alone myself. It's a new emotion. It feels like it's trying to kill the nice, sweet man inside me. I hope this is only temporary.

Test tomorrow. Probably going to fail. Don't really care and I'm not even worried. I hope this is only temporary.

Trying to still keep running just as hard. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of being ugly (see: fat). I'm tired of hurting and I'm trying to just sweat it out of myself. It's not working, but I'm still trying harder and harder. I hope this is only temporary.

All things are only temporary, even that of which we are incredibly certain. That has been proven.