skellingjack

So my thought for the day is what would I do if I could just restart my life. I was looking through my facebook friends today and thinking of all the connections that I have with those people and how many of them are very superficial. Some people that I used to know but no longer talk to, going through I could only find maybe a handful and a half that I ever talk to anymore and only half of those are people who I've ever had a genuine conversation with. I think that I've told the complete strangers that click onto these post, more about myself and my true thoughts and feelings. But what if life was more like a computer game, what if I could reset and just start over. What would I do if I could be anything and was no longer held back by my past mentally.

I would move away from this town, somewhere that I like to be around people I want to be around. I would get a job that I actually wanted to do or I would go back to school and study whatever I wanted. I would get a job working in the arts, in particular acting or performing to some degree. I would study computers, physics, philosophy, journalism, literature, theatre, film. I would get up and go for a swim or a run or a bike ride, not just to get the exercise, but to go to these new places and see what is there. I would go to coffee shops and talk to random strangers and ask them about themselves and their days, find out the strange set of events that lead them to be standing there with myself talking.

I would hang out in jazz and blues lounges drinking cocktails that I've never heard of trying something new. I would learn to actually play an instrument well (what I currently "play" on my ukulele isn't music it's a random amalgamation of notes that sound like Beethoven having a seizure while writing his final symphony). I would skydive at a drop zone where I knew none of the people there and would feel completely new.

I guess I'm trying to say, I'm not who I want to be. I want to be someone I would admire, I want to be proud of myself, I want to feel that if I died tomorrow there would be no regrets. But, I do have my past holding me back, even if it's only in my head, I don't do things because I live in a town where the possiblity that the person next to me, watching what I am doing could very well know me or someone who does know me. I need to figure out how to become this new person, this true me. Anyone have any ideas? Also any thoughts and opinions on the goatee facial hair thing I have going on would be appreciated, I'm not sure whether I'm keeping it or not.