I've been really trying to keep some regularity to this blog here but I'm not even sure why. I log in and go to the new post page and kind of just let my mind take my words where ever it wants to go, although there is some tactful editing involve. So just thought that should be put into words somewhere within the confines of my blog.
So, I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. It's kind of weird I haven't had one forever but at the same time they take up a good chunk of my thought power at any given moment. I'm always trying to think of what it takes to have the perfect relationship. How can two people spend their time and lives together and still at the end of it all want to be together. I've been running all this through my head and I know it's weird coming from a single guy but I think I know some very keys things that are required to keep a good relationship going.
The first and probably most important thing is to learn that every moment that you two are together isn't going to be the greatest moment of your life. Life is a roller coaster and has many ups and downs with twist, turns, cork screws and loop-da-loops thrown in just for fun. I have never understood why but it has always seemed to me that the media portrays a relationship where not every moment of your life together is pure bliss as unhealthy and I find that very notion unhealthy. People need down time, some time to relax and collect their thoughts. But, at the same time when there are bad moments in your relationship you really need to appreciate and work through them. It is through these times that are tough that we can even comprehend to full extent of how happy we can be together. For example a rich person who has always had money would never be able to full understand the life of a poor person unless they had been there and only after that experience did they really understand how wealthy and lucky they are. (Now that last scenario isn't full proof, I'm sure there are people who would go through that and still not understand.)
Keep the relationship alive. A relationship is almost like a fire and this analogy is brought up often when the idea of a "spark" is brought up or even in the term "an old flame", but, I think that it also extends into the idea that if you stop feeding a fire it will eventually burn itself out. You have to keep feeding the fire of your relationship and this is the point that I see people miss so very often. They allow their relationship to shift from being something special to being a routine that they just push through day in and day out. They almost lose how special it is to have someone in your life. So to remedy this I think that people in a intimate relationship should continue to date. No, not other people but each other. Keep taking each other out, leave little present or notes for each other keep each other intrigued. All of this acts can help add fuel to the fire of your relationship to keep it going and to keep it burning brightly and steady.
Put in the work. Relationships from my experiences and from a third person perspective take work. I know this sound crappy but you have to put in the time and effort to have someone spend their lives with you (doesn't imply the rest of their lives just a period of time that was yours). If they want to take a cooking class, but your don't like to cook, try to get involved some how. I'm not saying you have to take the class with them but try to encourage them, eat the new foods they make, buy them something for cooking, watch the food network together, it doesn't really matter what you do as long as your making a viable effort. But in the end you have to put in the work and much of this concept actually links back to my feed the fire idea.
Spend some amount of time apart. Now there is no stead fast rule as to how much time you need to spend apart but it needs to be enough time to make the times when your together special. As long as the amount of time that you two spend apart makes those times together special that's all that matters. Even if that time apart is work times or something as long as you keep that feeling your fine.
Talk to each other but, don't let it become constant if you feel force. I believe that couples shouldn't spend all day every day texting each other. I think that those times when you get to sit down and talk should be special and that if you don't have them know your entire day already when that moment comes it gives it meaning. That is the time of day when you can spill your thoughts from the day and allow the other person to soak them up and discuss them with you. But, another thing that I find very important is that this needs to be a two way street. No one person can completely dominate the conversations all the time. But talk allow yourself to absorb each other and try to see life through their eyes.
If you hate each other, leave. I don't want to people to think that I believe that all relationships can work. There are some people that just aren't meant to be together and that's perfectly okay. But if you do find that you are in one of these relationships, don't stay. I don't get why people will stay together even though they are miserable. I get that they would rather that then be alone but I would rather be alone than hate my life.
Now these beliefs aren't set and stone. Also, there is more then just these things I've talked about that go into a healthy relationship. At the same time I'm not say that if your relationship doesn't have one of these things or that it works differently for your that your relationship is bad and unhealthy. These just happen to be my thoughts on relationships right now and they're not necessarily correct. I'm sure that some are off or maybe even wrong but that's okay.
So, I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. It's kind of weird I haven't had one forever but at the same time they take up a good chunk of my thought power at any given moment. I'm always trying to think of what it takes to have the perfect relationship. How can two people spend their time and lives together and still at the end of it all want to be together. I've been running all this through my head and I know it's weird coming from a single guy but I think I know some very keys things that are required to keep a good relationship going.
The first and probably most important thing is to learn that every moment that you two are together isn't going to be the greatest moment of your life. Life is a roller coaster and has many ups and downs with twist, turns, cork screws and loop-da-loops thrown in just for fun. I have never understood why but it has always seemed to me that the media portrays a relationship where not every moment of your life together is pure bliss as unhealthy and I find that very notion unhealthy. People need down time, some time to relax and collect their thoughts. But, at the same time when there are bad moments in your relationship you really need to appreciate and work through them. It is through these times that are tough that we can even comprehend to full extent of how happy we can be together. For example a rich person who has always had money would never be able to full understand the life of a poor person unless they had been there and only after that experience did they really understand how wealthy and lucky they are. (Now that last scenario isn't full proof, I'm sure there are people who would go through that and still not understand.)
Keep the relationship alive. A relationship is almost like a fire and this analogy is brought up often when the idea of a "spark" is brought up or even in the term "an old flame", but, I think that it also extends into the idea that if you stop feeding a fire it will eventually burn itself out. You have to keep feeding the fire of your relationship and this is the point that I see people miss so very often. They allow their relationship to shift from being something special to being a routine that they just push through day in and day out. They almost lose how special it is to have someone in your life. So to remedy this I think that people in a intimate relationship should continue to date. No, not other people but each other. Keep taking each other out, leave little present or notes for each other keep each other intrigued. All of this acts can help add fuel to the fire of your relationship to keep it going and to keep it burning brightly and steady.
Put in the work. Relationships from my experiences and from a third person perspective take work. I know this sound crappy but you have to put in the time and effort to have someone spend their lives with you (doesn't imply the rest of their lives just a period of time that was yours). If they want to take a cooking class, but your don't like to cook, try to get involved some how. I'm not saying you have to take the class with them but try to encourage them, eat the new foods they make, buy them something for cooking, watch the food network together, it doesn't really matter what you do as long as your making a viable effort. But in the end you have to put in the work and much of this concept actually links back to my feed the fire idea.
Spend some amount of time apart. Now there is no stead fast rule as to how much time you need to spend apart but it needs to be enough time to make the times when your together special. As long as the amount of time that you two spend apart makes those times together special that's all that matters. Even if that time apart is work times or something as long as you keep that feeling your fine.
Talk to each other but, don't let it become constant if you feel force. I believe that couples shouldn't spend all day every day texting each other. I think that those times when you get to sit down and talk should be special and that if you don't have them know your entire day already when that moment comes it gives it meaning. That is the time of day when you can spill your thoughts from the day and allow the other person to soak them up and discuss them with you. But, another thing that I find very important is that this needs to be a two way street. No one person can completely dominate the conversations all the time. But talk allow yourself to absorb each other and try to see life through their eyes.
If you hate each other, leave. I don't want to people to think that I believe that all relationships can work. There are some people that just aren't meant to be together and that's perfectly okay. But if you do find that you are in one of these relationships, don't stay. I don't get why people will stay together even though they are miserable. I get that they would rather that then be alone but I would rather be alone than hate my life.
Now these beliefs aren't set and stone. Also, there is more then just these things I've talked about that go into a healthy relationship. At the same time I'm not say that if your relationship doesn't have one of these things or that it works differently for your that your relationship is bad and unhealthy. These just happen to be my thoughts on relationships right now and they're not necessarily correct. I'm sure that some are off or maybe even wrong but that's okay.
However I am super cynical and the idea of being with one person forever scares the shit out of me. Maybe one day though!
Hope you're good x