Every morning I wake up and go through a similar routine of opening my eyes, petting my dog, checking my cellphone, etc. I have no restrictions on how early I have to get up most days. I'm free to do what I want. I love that. Today was no different, except I checked my instagram to see some rude messages from a troll account. It happens sometimes, but this account was only bothering me, no one else. It took me a good like 5 minutes to realize that after I had a friend from high school follow my IG account that my high school bully: the girl who was a best friend one minute, then making my life a living hell the next, the girl who hit me with her fucking car the weekend after I graduated, causing me to spend my first weekend of being 18 in a hospital, found me. After almost 15 fucking years, the first thing she decided to do upon finding my instagram was create dummy accounts to make me feel like shit about my life choices.
All I could think of was how fucking sad someone's life must be to rehash stupid rivalries from high school, especially when one person moved across the country to get away from the ignorance of the place we grew up. I literally live thousands of miles away from my hometown for good reason: People like that are so toxically miserable.
I say life is funny because she went through all this effort of creating dummy accounts just to be an asshole to me, and it backfired. I love my life, and her pettiness just made me realize how great I have it.
I live my life for no one else buy myself. I have amazing support from the most amazing person I've ever known in my entire life: @trevor. I'm a model for Suicide Girls, a gig that has gained me friends for life around the world, and I get to use my body as a canvas for beautiful art. I couldn't have it much better than I do.
Sure, I have bad things in my life. I have a crappy genetic disease that's limiting sometimes because of the pain and injuries it causes, among other complications, but I'm stronger than my illness currently, and I have a great doctor that's actually helping me manage my symptoms these days. It's not perfect, but it could be worse.
I live in a beautiful place. I step out of my house every day to beautiful scenery and amazingly clean mountain air.
I'm proud of who I am and who I've become. I can honestly say that. My life back "home" was so miserable, and getting away from the negativity that flowed there was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
All I can conclude from the experience is that this person is still miserable with themselves and wishes they could be as happy as I am. That's a sad way to live.
But I don't even feel sorry for her. Not one bit. She made her own misery by being a horrible human being.
And I can honestly say that I can sleep every night without feeling terrible for the way I treated anyone because I treat people with respect and dignity, no matter how mean they seem to be. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't like to judge people unless they have given me cause, and this girl has given me plenty. I thought maybe people like her would have changed by now, but apparently when you surround yourself in shit, you become it.
At least I know I can stand tall and be proud of my accomplishments. If I encountered her again, and the roles were reversed, I wouldn't do what she did to me. I probably would have just left her alone. Then again, I'm obviously more adult than she is, and sadly, she is teaching her kids how to be assholes just like her. Why does it always have to be the trashiest people, the worst of humanity, who insist on popping out several kids and teaching them how to be assholes just like they are? I feel bad for her children and her family. I don't feel bad for her though because she made her own bed, she has to lie in the horrible things she's done to other people. I'm willing to bet it doesn't bother her either. She's the definition of a sociopath.
And I find comfort in the fact that I'm a bigger person than that and always will be.
x0x0,
-Sid-
