It's 3am. I should be sleeping. I have a vocal class in the morning. Instead I'm wide awake, over-thinking so much. I can't figure out what I want anymore. It's like whenever I think I can be happy, I bring myself down with dumb thoughts. I know it's normal to keep kicking yourself down after a break-up... especially if said break-up occurs around the same time as finals.
For once in my life, I'd like things to easily fall into my lap. Now I understand that I'm in no shape to get into another relationship quite yet, but if I had something to aim for, it'd sure make the "getting over it" process so much easier. Maybe I need to become a makeout slut for awhile, cause in all honesty, I really fucking miss hugs and all kinds of affection so much right now. It's times like this, like how now I'm injured and only have use of one arm at the moment, that I wish I had someone who cared around. I mean, I'm having a damn hard time doing everyday tasks in a sling. Yet, there's no one here to help me... which in turn just reminds me how alone I am.
Today was the first day since the break-up I actually got out and did something. Thanks to dontpooyourself, who was kind enough to invite me to go see the movie "Thank You for Smoking".
I think that's one of my problems. When bad things happen, I tend to hermit myself. How can I expect to get over things or at least not overthink stupid shit when my only companions as of late are a computer, a tv, and a little bratty cat who doesn't seem to want to spend time with me in my room right now?
Another problem is I'm doing my damnedest to stay out of drama's path, but every time I try to get away from it, it sneaks up on me. I don't want nor do I need to be apart of anyone's drama. Not now, (especially not now), not ever. It's fine if you don't like me. I don't care. But please stop dragging me through your shit. All this stuff gets back to me, and I'm tired of it. Go, say what you will about me to other people who don't like me, but do me a favor, and stop saying it to the people you know will tell me. I'm really tired of hearing what I supposively did last Saturday night that pissed you off or "ruined your life", when I know that last Saturday night, I was at home in RI with no internet connection or contact with anyone working on final papers. (Not saying the previous scenario took place, it was just an example)
I'm also tired of there being so many damn dramawhores who believe this shit. And those people starting the drama need to get over themselves. I am not talking about you, I am not conspiring against you... Maybe I'm selfish, but right now, at this moment and for the past 5 fucking years, I've had enough shit to deal with in my own life to be talking about anyone else or doing anything to purposely piss someone off. I am the first person to admit to something I've done, so if I pissed you off, I assure you, it wasn't purposeful.
Anyway, I'm going to force myself to sleep. This entry is depressing, so that means it will probably be gone some point after my class tomorrow.
x0x0,
Sid
P.S. Any bit of lovins sent to me digitally would help in cheer-ups.
For once in my life, I'd like things to easily fall into my lap. Now I understand that I'm in no shape to get into another relationship quite yet, but if I had something to aim for, it'd sure make the "getting over it" process so much easier. Maybe I need to become a makeout slut for awhile, cause in all honesty, I really fucking miss hugs and all kinds of affection so much right now. It's times like this, like how now I'm injured and only have use of one arm at the moment, that I wish I had someone who cared around. I mean, I'm having a damn hard time doing everyday tasks in a sling. Yet, there's no one here to help me... which in turn just reminds me how alone I am.
Today was the first day since the break-up I actually got out and did something. Thanks to dontpooyourself, who was kind enough to invite me to go see the movie "Thank You for Smoking".
I think that's one of my problems. When bad things happen, I tend to hermit myself. How can I expect to get over things or at least not overthink stupid shit when my only companions as of late are a computer, a tv, and a little bratty cat who doesn't seem to want to spend time with me in my room right now?
Another problem is I'm doing my damnedest to stay out of drama's path, but every time I try to get away from it, it sneaks up on me. I don't want nor do I need to be apart of anyone's drama. Not now, (especially not now), not ever. It's fine if you don't like me. I don't care. But please stop dragging me through your shit. All this stuff gets back to me, and I'm tired of it. Go, say what you will about me to other people who don't like me, but do me a favor, and stop saying it to the people you know will tell me. I'm really tired of hearing what I supposively did last Saturday night that pissed you off or "ruined your life", when I know that last Saturday night, I was at home in RI with no internet connection or contact with anyone working on final papers. (Not saying the previous scenario took place, it was just an example)
I'm also tired of there being so many damn dramawhores who believe this shit. And those people starting the drama need to get over themselves. I am not talking about you, I am not conspiring against you... Maybe I'm selfish, but right now, at this moment and for the past 5 fucking years, I've had enough shit to deal with in my own life to be talking about anyone else or doing anything to purposely piss someone off. I am the first person to admit to something I've done, so if I pissed you off, I assure you, it wasn't purposeful.
Anyway, I'm going to force myself to sleep. This entry is depressing, so that means it will probably be gone some point after my class tomorrow.
x0x0,
Sid
P.S. Any bit of lovins sent to me digitally would help in cheer-ups.
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
Also, Monty next friday, yes?
xo
Hey, but you know I know what you're going through. If you need someone to talk to about it, message me, I'll give you my number.