Dissatisfaction, frustration and a simple sense of being overwhelmed, being trapped has me stuck in a fog of focusing on the negative.
And as the filth oozes thru my veins slowly working its way from a simple fleeting emotion, to a more persistent feeling, to an embodied domination.. I am becoming one with the poison. The helplessness allows me to embrace all the distaste.
I start to notice myself taking a syringe full of my disgust and injecting it into anyone I encounter. In simple conversations, I find myself spilling droplets of my own pessimism at life, circumstances, and events into other’s ears- when they saw no negativity in a matter, I just placed it there, and now that poisonous seed is planted in their mind. Encounter after encounter I feel myself doing this, my out of body-self watches and is appalled. This is not me. I do not want to spread this disease to colleagues, friends, and family. But here I go.. I cannot help it because the core of myself is soaked in it, my muscles ache with it, my black heart beats with it.