pudding

i suppose i should explain why yesterday sucked so bad and why i had to do some celebratory drinking as a result. yesterday, while i was outside pushing carts at work, i came to the startling realization that the miracle i keep look for that would allow me to stay in california is just not coming and that i will absolutely have to go back home. and at this point you might be thinking to yourself, well duh, you have known that for some time now. it's true that i've considered it a possibility for a long time now but i've never accepted it as fact. i always hoped that this miraculous thing would happen and it would save me from having to go back. that is just not possible. and yes, there are good points about going back such as the fact that i will most likely be able to go back to school, maybe i will find a manicuring job, i will be close to my family, blah blah, blah. and those things are important to me, don't get me wrong, they really are. but i fucking love this place and am a bit crushed that i'm going to have to leave. just to solidify the whole thing we set the time frame in stone and my mom is asking for time off. she's going to be here between october 6-12 to help me pack. so that's the date, by october 12 i will be gone from here. understandably i was very sad so i started drinking the second i got home and growled and laughed and tried not to be sad. because of how sad the whole thing made me i had to implement my "cassie is sad...i mean awesome" philosophy and turn the thing into a damn celebration. later today i'm getting together with em to celebrate again. i have to do all sorts of terrible chores today like registering my vehicle, getting a smog inspection, grocery shopping, and possibly laundry. mmm...adulthood. all this growing up stuff blows.