pudding

so found an almost exact replica of the wedding ring i want to have someday at goodys for ten dollars, super sweet. this is my placeholder ring. i got a set of plastic drawers to put my makeup in, i filled them. and also filled another small box with all my brushes and other beauty creating items. speaking of beauty, i have less money that i thought so i am totally going to have to put on my game face for work tomorrow. i always try to look nicer on days when i open just because that is when you make the most money. i'm a whore, i know, shut up. got a couple new shirts in exchange for the jeans i bought the other day. i never try shit on and i really should. i am having this issue, and the short girls out there know what i'm talking about. i love low rise jeans, but none of then seem to be low enough to be completely comfortable and fit exactly right. i love levi's 524's which fit perfectly but i can only buy them in the city or online, the next best thing in 527's which i can get at goodys but fit a tad differently and don't look as good. and i have not the time, nor the money to go to the city and go shopping, like serious shopping. so i will live in this one pair of 527's i've got until they fall apart on me. thats how i like to wear jeans, wear 'em til i wear 'em out. i don't just wear clothes, i destroy them. i found a little clock radio that joe's sister must have left when she moved. maybe i will listen to loveline when i'm in the bathtub later. i love doctor drew, he's so hot in that really geeky way. i love nerd boys. joe is stressing about leaving, i'm stressing about him leaving. it sucks big time. the weather was beautiful today, which is another sign of the end of the world. i hope we move somewhere warm, i fucking hate the cold. i think joe has been stealing from my lollipop tree. maybe i will start another painting, i sketched it out last night but haven't started yet. my chucks are falling apart. my room is a fucking pit. my makeup tower is divided into three drawers. drawer one contains foundations, concealers, highlighters, blushes, bronzers, and powders. drawer two contains eye shadows (quads, pallets, singles), eyeliners, mascaras, eyebrow stencils, eyebrow wax and powder. drawer three contains lipsticks, lip glosses, lip liner, and lip stains. the whole collection is highly excessive. the only person i know that would even begin to understand this is robin, i haven't seen her in forever. she was a lot of fun though, she had her shit together. i don't have my shit together, but she did, she held it all down. that shout out i gave a million years ago still stands, chase the dream buddy 'caus its all you got. my bad grammar is my business. my desk is trashed, but maybe later i'll fix that. i should make a love themed playlist, or one thats just happy music, i keep listening to the same angsty shit over and over. i think lucky has gained weight, he seems much bigger than when i first got him. i have been forbidden to modify my body in any way while joe is gone, short of the ones i'm getting friday and another i have in the works as a tribute to my family. and when i say family i mean mom and case. i'm excluding my dad. he wasn't much of a dad and i just don't like him much. how is that for awful? whatever, i saw him at christmas and that is probably going to be the last time i will see him, which is fine. my insanity makes him uncomfortable. and his lack of interest in me pisses me off. i'm thrilled with this little ring, it's so cute. wow i'm typical, a head case girl that hates her daddy. by those standards i should take up stripping. that's not going to happen. but it would be par for the course. i should go back to therapy, but that shit is expensive, and i don't much feel like spilling my guts that frequently. joe says i can't even pierce or stretch my ears while he's gone, he thinks i have self-control, i should, but i don't. okay, i do but it's highly selective. the zoloft appears to be working, though i am still an angsty whining emo bitch. i think thats just a personality flaw. i think i'm going to start cleaning up this mess, maybe more later, don't know, whatever i feel like.