In a funk (as usual) & I'm trying to do at least on memorable thing daily...checked in with work, swept my living room & picked up BK....oh! Haven't been able to find my glasses in a few days so I ordered 2 more pairs for the year. I should do laundry today and hit club4448 before 7pm. Looking forward to when I will be able to walk around the block with Purdy the Pitoodle.

littlejohn22:
oh, this reminds me I have stuff in the dryer
wade1987:
at least you look happy, and comfy, and chores are no fun

....lots of questions & no answers.

Why can't I just be happy & in love with something already? Wabisabi imperfections have always been the best.

It never used to be this difficult before.... Before what, though? I never used to have such standards. I all but have blinders on now and I still can't focus.

Fixated on perfection, as I seek a balance...
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pointman11:
That balance is a difficult one. I battle that to. I see others around me who can do that so easily but I can' figure out why. You are not alone in this. Hopefully that can ease a little bit of isolation. In regards to him... You are an incredible woman and a man would be honored and blessed to have you in his life. He does exist. He is out there.  I am sure tgast there us a man looKing for exactly that in a woman. I know I do. He will find you and you him.
missdevhill:
Posting on SG helps. Thank you for always accepting me. I hope I never want to stop

What happened?... I thought that I had gone sooo far & made such progress...

How did I get back here, to where I started from?

Saw that I made another evil man richer...again, before I got left behind.

Saw that he shared my progress with his loved ones, before my face was smashed into my failure & I became their doormat, so... Guess, he...
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pointman11:
Looking foir work doies suck. I hope you find something tgat brings enthusiasm back to you. But to say that you will never be much? I disagree whole heartedly. You are incredible.  You have passions. You have sensuality. No regular man deserves you and not any man would do. Physically you are breath taking. And so many men would feel honored by your attention. Being filled with hate will not be and anchor for you. You can do so much and will get to where you want to be. I believe that whole heartedly
littlejohn22:
i am so sorry you are in this situation, i wish i could be there for you. Know you are loved here,

Stuck in a rut of wanting to be intimate with someone but not wanting just anyone to touch me. I want so much that I can't have & to be honest, I have no plan for the "what ifs" so trying for it would be a disaster. I want to feel something again, though. Im innocent enough to keep it clean. ....maybe I can learn to be like a tandem sky diving instructor - they look like they get paid to cuddle.

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gbz2016:
GLADLY
pointman11:
You are stunning!!!

... what his chest smells like & what his shoulder feels like under my cheek. How his face feels when I touch it just below the jaw line. The feeling of his hand on the small of my back & his lips near my ear. Warm breath & words..Commands.

I want to acquiesce & be happy


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littlejohn22:
this sounds amazing
missdevhill:
Lol @franie no... Just my imagination running off again

But this next move of mine will require the support that only an intimate can provide... I want to be held, I'm sure, just not by anyone that would want to hold me, I know. I want to run & hide from the thought of being weak enough to need someones assistance. I want to rule the world & that's not gonna happen...
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littlejohn22:
I hope you can put yourself back out there, if I was ten years younger... maybe 15... I would ask you out
madman6048:
I've been in a similar place.  I hope you find what you're looking for.  What ever this next move, i wish you the best of luck.  Never settle for anything less than what you truly want.  And if you find something or someone you want, I hope you are ab,e to make them/it yours.

Kitten woke me up way to early this morning, runnin around the house & knocking sht down. 1 #wakeandbake later & I watched him try to jump through a closed window as the sun rises in the background. Got a 4am msg about buyin all my pot (hmmm) ... Making coffee now. Yeah, today will be a good day.

littlejohn22:
kitty cats rule

Today was fun. Did some of my job. Got to talk with growers and folks in the same competitive space as my group...funny how those that have made it so far can have a such a different outlook on the future of price per lb. Got to help out a long time friend with a perfect job offer from an acquaint's HR search...
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missdevhill:
Thank you, John. You are one of the best!
bl8228:
Glad to hear that you are feeling better