woke up early (yes 11:00 is early) to study before class. fuckit. rather make a list here, inspired by manko and her snort-sweet friends, of things about me. but i'm changing this title to "7 firsts for melanie"
1. my first favorite movie was All Dogs go to Heaven, it has an atmosphere of dark pervesity, slum and slut, hallucinagenic fantasy, and childish kitsch, that no other film/book has ever replicated. it shows love, lust, substance abuse, the afterlife, moral realativism, and horror...all with dogs and a dumb little homeless girl.
2. the first cigarrette i smoked made me completely paranoid, i ran around the house yelling "fuck" and trying to air out my clothes.
3. my first pet was a netherland dwarf rabbit named "snowy", hm, not to creative. i squeezed him too tight once, just to be powerful, and immediatly felt the pure evil of it. since then i've never hurt an animal.
4. the first and only time i fell in love owns smashing pumpkins' "mayonnaise" as it's theme song.
5. the first and only time i've been suicidal was at 17. i'm depressed/lonely constantly, it's my sober condition, but i'd never wanted to DIE before. not existing, as c.s. lewis points out, can have no possible advantage. despite, for one day, living seemed 'out of joint", people were mounds of flesh, i felt like i was floating around in another dimension, sure that something had gotten fucked up, cause i was supposed to be dead.
6. the first time i saw the matrix, it completely changed my life...and gave me these three beliefs 1) there is no such things as free will 2) rebellion progresses and checks society, and is not an evil 3) being human is all we were given, and searching for meaning and independace within that can't be wrong "no bird soars to high if it soars with its own wings" - w. blake
7. i wrote my first song on guitar without knowing any chords. it was interesting
hm... that's all, and i keep harping on the same fucking subjects in my life. next entry deserves something fresh and less masturbatory, i promise. the plot of my novel, maybe???
1. my first favorite movie was All Dogs go to Heaven, it has an atmosphere of dark pervesity, slum and slut, hallucinagenic fantasy, and childish kitsch, that no other film/book has ever replicated. it shows love, lust, substance abuse, the afterlife, moral realativism, and horror...all with dogs and a dumb little homeless girl.
2. the first cigarrette i smoked made me completely paranoid, i ran around the house yelling "fuck" and trying to air out my clothes.
3. my first pet was a netherland dwarf rabbit named "snowy", hm, not to creative. i squeezed him too tight once, just to be powerful, and immediatly felt the pure evil of it. since then i've never hurt an animal.
4. the first and only time i fell in love owns smashing pumpkins' "mayonnaise" as it's theme song.
5. the first and only time i've been suicidal was at 17. i'm depressed/lonely constantly, it's my sober condition, but i'd never wanted to DIE before. not existing, as c.s. lewis points out, can have no possible advantage. despite, for one day, living seemed 'out of joint", people were mounds of flesh, i felt like i was floating around in another dimension, sure that something had gotten fucked up, cause i was supposed to be dead.
6. the first time i saw the matrix, it completely changed my life...and gave me these three beliefs 1) there is no such things as free will 2) rebellion progresses and checks society, and is not an evil 3) being human is all we were given, and searching for meaning and independace within that can't be wrong "no bird soars to high if it soars with its own wings" - w. blake
7. i wrote my first song on guitar without knowing any chords. it was interesting
hm... that's all, and i keep harping on the same fucking subjects in my life. next entry deserves something fresh and less masturbatory, i promise. the plot of my novel, maybe???
So, if there's no free will, then are we unaccountable for our actions?