Allow me to get these things off of my bosoms. This one goes out to Thistle, Alyk & Smuffy.
1. Nasty skag motherfuckers who clip their goddamned nails on the fucking train:
It happens way more than you'd imagine. You're having a nice time with your book or watching the pretty trees go by and all of a sudden
CrrrRrrrACK! You hear that horrific crunching sound, turn around and some pussyfart is seriously sitting there grooming their nasty toe or finger nails. This mostly occur's on NY's Long Island Rail Road....express of the gnarly, apparently.
2. The sick anti-planet, bizarre trend of drinking water with a straw. What you do in your house is none of my concern, although I'm sure no one is drinking water with a straw at home, but I'll be damned over this restaurant trend. Not only is it an affront to Al Green but do you know how stupid you look?
Some people say it's b/c they don't know where the glass has been. Bitch please. So when you order your cappuccino after dinner, do you request a straw with that as well? Do you put goddamned condoms over the damn silverware before putting them to your lips? I don't think so.
3. I hate myself when I forget to just take a compliment. When someone pays you a compliment, take it and say thank you. Appreciation.
Dumbbitch.com example : Last year I went to my favorite record store fresh out of a salon where I'd had a flat iron / blow out. My hair is naturally summer of '69 curl fro, so having it flattened actually makes me look really different (and kind of bad, I think).
Record store owner: "Wow, I like your hair like this."
Dumbbitch.com : "Oh...yeah. I really needed a change."
DUMB BITCH DOT COM
I do it all the time. Someone compliments my clothes? I respond by saying how much I paid for them. Must stop.
4. Fuck retarded, unrighteously pretentious assholes who refer to themselves as "old" and "jaded." You know what? You only hear little 20 odd year old babies saying this. Fuck you and it ain't old or jaded until Helen Mirren makes it look bad.
5. When men seriously want you to read their poetry, admire their art, hear their bands. NO.
It all makes you look fat, honey.
6. Assholes who think a dance floor is a place to stand in the way of to catch up chatting with their ugly, poorly dressed friends. It's always some rank skinny bitch wearing like, gold lame panties as "an outfit." Listen, if you're on the dance floor YOU DANCE! Or get the_fuck out of my way.
6a). When some ugly loser like a scary guido
or sweaty 5 foot tall Mexican tries to get up in my dance space. I shudder! Or better yet, the last time I was dancing, some tard told me what wonderful breasts I have and that he couldn't find his wife. STAY AWAY from me!
7. Knowing that Dave Chappelle is alive yet depriving us of hisssself. As far as stand up goes, I only consider the great black comedians to be truly good. Particularly Rudy Ray Moore, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock. Due to this fact, this shit has been particularly hard on me. Sorry Carlin fans.
8. The gentrification of Brooklyn that made Brooklyn and all of New York impossible to live in for natural born natives of Brooklyn and all of New York. Look at me, temporarily exiled in Florida? Yes, my backyard is comprised of a pool and jacuzzi but I haven't had a damn bagel in a month.
9. The horrible truth that Florida is shunned from every good band's tour. My only comfort is that Cat Power lives in Miami. Come, girl, please!
10. Bands with dumb names for search engines. ^ Sex Vid. Black Kids. Celebration. Fuck these people! These are thorns in my shopping cart!
All of these things call for an encore of the crying Zahara
And....you know what my super secret #11 pet peeve might be? Raking in pages of comments to this entry without 1 being in response to any of it. I did this for your pleasure!
Christian Bale beats his meat....alot!!
Im loving all the Joker .gif's in my journal. Itll be a while before i make a new one now,
Post me your new bf on here if you can,
I think I can agree with most of your list although I occasionally do use 'old' to describe myself. in my defense, though, I really only use it when I am stealing a line from lethal weapon or when it is followed by 'man' and preceded by 'dirty' or 'crotchety' (example: I recently tried to excuse an act of yelling at some unruly teenagers by explaining that I was going through my "premature crotchety old man phase").
otherwise, though, I think I can sign on to your fuck that toenail-leavin', resource-wastin', non-movin' floorspace occupyin', poetry-peddlin', gentrifyin' bullshit agenda.