i've come full circle since my last post. i guess when things were going good i had no motivation to write about it, but situations change. the girl and i have been hanging out a lot more this week, we've been growing closer and getting more physical. i cant remember ever feeling as good as i did friday morning, coming home from her place.
we hung out all day thursday. after classes we met at the union where we were extras in a USC grad student's film being shot in madison, then we went back to my place, smoked up, and got chinese delivery. afterwards we laid in my bed for an hour or more just holding and looking at each other. joy, but it couldnt last she had to write a paper so she went home and i had a few hours to myself. later that night i went to her place to pick up a hookah i bought from her roommate who works at a smoke shop and i brought them jamocha shakes from arby's (if youve never had one, seriously these are to fucking die for). she asked me if i wanted to go to a movie with her and her roommates. i could have given fuckall about which movie we saw, it was brigitte jones 2 or something, but i wouldnt have missed 2 hours in a dark room with her if my life depended on it. afterwards we hung around drinking box wine and got a little tipsy. we went out for a cig, i was going to say goodnight and take off when she asked me back inside. we sat down on her bed and she asked me if id stay the night.
24 hours later im on the phone with her, shes drunk and about to pass out at the other guys place and my heart is roadkill on the interstate. i dont know why but im hurting so bad right now. theres never been any talk of commitment, but for some reason it seems like such a betrayal. when i let someone get so close to me i plan on staying that close, but ive felt more distant from her these last few days than i did before this whole thing began. i look at this as proof that having something then losing it is worse than never having it at all.
i want to not like her anymore, i want to be able to walk away and condemn her to misery with that asshole, i want to throw myself off a pedway into traffic and certain death, but i know i wont and i know that i will answer when she calls tomorrow. and i know the cycle will repeat.
this is indeed a world of shit, when the ones we love hurt us the most.
we hung out all day thursday. after classes we met at the union where we were extras in a USC grad student's film being shot in madison, then we went back to my place, smoked up, and got chinese delivery. afterwards we laid in my bed for an hour or more just holding and looking at each other. joy, but it couldnt last she had to write a paper so she went home and i had a few hours to myself. later that night i went to her place to pick up a hookah i bought from her roommate who works at a smoke shop and i brought them jamocha shakes from arby's (if youve never had one, seriously these are to fucking die for). she asked me if i wanted to go to a movie with her and her roommates. i could have given fuckall about which movie we saw, it was brigitte jones 2 or something, but i wouldnt have missed 2 hours in a dark room with her if my life depended on it. afterwards we hung around drinking box wine and got a little tipsy. we went out for a cig, i was going to say goodnight and take off when she asked me back inside. we sat down on her bed and she asked me if id stay the night.
24 hours later im on the phone with her, shes drunk and about to pass out at the other guys place and my heart is roadkill on the interstate. i dont know why but im hurting so bad right now. theres never been any talk of commitment, but for some reason it seems like such a betrayal. when i let someone get so close to me i plan on staying that close, but ive felt more distant from her these last few days than i did before this whole thing began. i look at this as proof that having something then losing it is worse than never having it at all.
i want to not like her anymore, i want to be able to walk away and condemn her to misery with that asshole, i want to throw myself off a pedway into traffic and certain death, but i know i wont and i know that i will answer when she calls tomorrow. and i know the cycle will repeat.
this is indeed a world of shit, when the ones we love hurt us the most.
fiendclub:
Some guys just dont learn... I dont even have anything to say to that one. Stay far away from that one mate. Ill only say it a second time.