I am back from Ohio. Stressed, yet strangely rejuvinated. I got a speeding ticket on the way home from Ohio. I didn't realize I was in a 55 zone, I was going 76 when he clocked me and 65 when he pulled me over. $125. and it's in ohio so going to court to get out of it would cost me just as much.
In...
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So circumstancesa panned out in my favor. One more chance for a do over (do right) situation. the pregnant girl's daughter is sick so she missed work and canceled our plans tonight. Phfewwww that was close.
then at work, my business partner, who is also in a weird way my boss until I am making him enough profit that he seems me as something closer...
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then at work, my business partner, who is also in a weird way my boss until I am making him enough profit that he seems me as something closer...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
daisy:
Bad on purpose? I've never heard the likes, but see Santa was wise to you, and gave you money to fuck with your head. Clever man that Santa.
And Happy Birthday.
And Happy Birthday.
ryah:
happy bday! 
So now I am on my way to being a complete fucking idiot. I've been hanging out with this girl from work. She's got a southern accent that's deep and scratchy. She knows 63.8% of the population in a 34.2 mile radius. She talks non-stop. She is sexy like it was what she was born to be. She's sweet. she is nice. She is a...
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drave:
Hmm Wierd situation.. advice.. i'd only get invovled if you wanna take care fo kids cuz thats what youll be doing, but hey if you really like her go for it.
Like me... if I really liked someone and they were having someone elses kid i'd be okay with it but then again... id also be thinking what is this person really looking for?
So yeah I dunno..
Well your heart and whatever else you will be using to make your choices will help you choose the right thing to do. lol.
The belt wont really kill me I dont think that guy was just fucking nuts. He was really wierd. Seriously he scared me. lol.
Grandma visit went better than expected but we had an issue with gay marriage.
Like me... if I really liked someone and they were having someone elses kid i'd be okay with it but then again... id also be thinking what is this person really looking for?
So yeah I dunno..
Well your heart and whatever else you will be using to make your choices will help you choose the right thing to do. lol.
The belt wont really kill me I dont think that guy was just fucking nuts. He was really wierd. Seriously he scared me. lol.
Grandma visit went better than expected but we had an issue with gay marriage.
venti_mistake:
Ya dude, I dunno. My dick has overided the autopilot many a times for me to go "awe shit man. Why didn't anyone tell me???"
Nothing wrong with flings dude but this woman stinks of trouble. I think your brain is trying to cuff and gag your dick and tell you so. LOL- that's just my opinion.
I'm gald to hear your jewelry business is doing good.
Thanks for the compliments on the flash. I am so addicted to doing peoples customs! I love the gratification of knowing that I plucked their idea out of their head and rode the same wave to get it down on paper. Nothing is more flaterring than seeing my artwork permanently imprinted on somebody's body. I get chills just thinking about it!
Nothing wrong with flings dude but this woman stinks of trouble. I think your brain is trying to cuff and gag your dick and tell you so. LOL- that's just my opinion.
I'm gald to hear your jewelry business is doing good.
Thanks for the compliments on the flash. I am so addicted to doing peoples customs! I love the gratification of knowing that I plucked their idea out of their head and rode the same wave to get it down on paper. Nothing is more flaterring than seeing my artwork permanently imprinted on somebody's body. I get chills just thinking about it!
I just spent almost four hours on the phone talking to one of my best friends from Ohio. We have these discussions about Yoga, dreams, life, the subconscious, EVERYTHING, and relationships. We totally just get each other. Anyway, I ran something by him that I had written the night before.
Since we are often drawn to the things that we say we don't want such...
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Since we are often drawn to the things that we say we don't want such...
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venti_mistake:
Hahahaha! That was thoroughly insightful and enetertaining. You, my friend are fascinating! Some of that seems similar to what my bouncer friend over here keeps blabbing on and on about something called NLP (neuro linguistic programming). You say something and it places an irrepressable thought in your head that just sticks with you no matter how you try to shake it. Kinda like getting a Ricky Martin song in your head. The last bit about the Taoist law of coercion really jumped out at me and I'll be damned if I'm not trying it myself. The finale gave me a good chuckle! Things seem to be on the up and up for you and I hope it's a continuing trend.
Take care my friend!
Take care my friend!
drave:
LoL ... I think it is exactly what it meant in the bible. I really loved learning about the subconsious in Psych class.. and with all the Psych classes left to go I am sure I will be learning more. ...
Oh and I am glad I could help....ur really kewl U deserve to be happy because you make others like me happy.
Venom ate her cricket really fast because she was hungry. The girl at the pet store was like well if we dont have any dead crickets Ill kill one for you.
I was like " Well goddamn that is why I want a dead one so no one had to kill the pour thing" Geez some people. But luckily she found a bunch of dead crickets and gave me them.
I havent quite figured out how imll clean her cage out yet. lol. Interesting. Well that will take some thinking I may have to transfer her to another cage while I clean hers but that seems risky lol. I had a dream last night that she bit my finger. lol. But it didnt hurt at all.
[Edited on Dec 19, 2005 7:58AM]
Oh and I am glad I could help....ur really kewl
U deserve to be happy because you make others like me happy.
Venom ate her cricket really fast because she was hungry. The girl at the pet store was like well if we dont have any dead crickets Ill kill one for you.
I was like " Well goddamn that is why I want a dead one so no one had to kill the pour thing" Geez some people. But luckily she found a bunch of dead crickets and gave me them.
I havent quite figured out how imll clean her cage out yet. lol. Interesting. Well that will take some thinking I may have to transfer her to another cage while I clean hers but that seems risky lol. I had a dream last night that she bit my finger. lol. But it didnt hurt at all.
[Edited on Dec 19, 2005 7:58AM]
Thanks to Drave, Lambda, and SleeplessinSD for your comments. Much appreciated. You helped me directly and indirectly see the real reasons behind my loneliness outburst.
I need to institute some living situation changes pronto. I work seven days a week. I've been worn out and stressed, making ignorant mistakes, and getting little sleep. So scheduling those changes isn't going to be easy, but damn I...
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I need to institute some living situation changes pronto. I work seven days a week. I've been worn out and stressed, making ignorant mistakes, and getting little sleep. So scheduling those changes isn't going to be easy, but damn I...
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lambda:
"could use one sleepless night [...] some heavy pyscho-magic ritual"
pot, espresso (or kola nuts, if you got'em), and plenty of loud, rhythmic music (rainydawg.org, WUOG.org, et al.)...?
has worked for me; I just plan on not doing much the day (or two or three) after.
pot, espresso (or kola nuts, if you got'em), and plenty of loud, rhythmic music (rainydawg.org, WUOG.org, et al.)...?
has worked for me; I just plan on not doing much the day (or two or three) after.
una:
What-what-what! You have an online jewelry store!?!?! Unfurtunately I'm not selling anywhere at the moment. This is a combination of my suprime lack of business skills and being too busy to have a surpluss of stuff (that's in season) to show stores. Also beaded work is time consuming and expensive for buseness. I wan't to find a way to sell it without upping the price and puting it in a store. My internet skill are also not great. I plan on focusing more on jewelry once I'm done with school.
Living space totaly effects my mood - so long as the mess is mine I don't care too much how messy things are, but when combined with the messes of roomates and our equal stubborness to not clean someone elces mess . . . ooh it gets bad.
usualy once I find the root of the problem it's farily easy to act on it and change it + it doesn't get to me as much cus I know that I'm not just going crazy - there's a reason!
Living space totaly effects my mood - so long as the mess is mine I don't care too much how messy things are, but when combined with the messes of roomates and our equal stubborness to not clean someone elces mess . . . ooh it gets bad.
usualy once I find the root of the problem it's farily easy to act on it and change it + it doesn't get to me as much cus I know that I'm not just going crazy - there's a reason!
Some time in the recent few weeks, SG became less about checking out the girls in the latest sets and more about making human connections. I try to catch up after a few days of not really looking at the girls. But I feel increasingly distant somehow. Not disinterested in the physical awesomeness of the female form in all it's incarnations, but just this feeling...
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drave:
Where heres how I see it. I used to look for love .. and then once I really fell in love for 3 1/2 years.. and found that the 3 1/2 years was all a lie.
So I dont look for love anymore... but I think that everything will work out for you.
I talk to you here online a lot and You know what I see? I see someone who is very very smart and awesome to talk to and not scared to be who you are. Any girl/guy loves that in a person!
You know maybe I didnt know why your smiling but I do care about whether you are smiling or not when you get online!
So we all care about you.
I am really glad that I have a friend like you on here. Makes me smile.
...friends are better than love...
lol. In my opinion.
Anyways so
I am soooooooooooo happy for you about that Diamond deal. How fucking awesome is that? I hope that it really works out for you!!! That will be fucking kewl as hell! I'd be happy if I got that deal... not having to pay until they are sold. Wow.
That guy that I talked to in the club was okay and,,., I mean next time I go to the club I am sure ill see him and talk to him but im not going to take it farther than that. I am just tooo focused on my skool work to allow any distractions and I think thats a smart decision. But you know I can always be his friend and hang out with him if I ever have time. lol .
So I dont look for love anymore... but I think that everything will work out for you.
I talk to you here online a lot and You know what I see? I see someone who is very very smart and awesome to talk to and not scared to be who you are. Any girl/guy loves that in a person!
You know maybe I didnt know why your smiling but I do care about whether you are smiling or not when you get online!
So we all care about you.
I am really glad that I have a friend like you on here. Makes me smile.
...friends are better than love...
lol. In my opinion.
Anyways so
I am soooooooooooo happy for you about that Diamond deal. How fucking awesome is that? I hope that it really works out for you!!! That will be fucking kewl as hell! I'd be happy if I got that deal... not having to pay until they are sold. Wow.
That guy that I talked to in the club was okay and,,., I mean next time I go to the club I am sure ill see him and talk to him but im not going to take it farther than that. I am just tooo focused on my skool work to allow any distractions and I think thats a smart decision. But you know I can always be his friend and hang out with him if I ever have time. lol .
venti_mistake:
I know how you feel. My ex -wife was my world. And then that world dropped right out form under me. I was so lost and panicked and finally desolate. I decided one night to just put it all out there and do something that would otherwise have terrified me. I guess it was my way of saying fuck it to the world. And the minute I did that, someone popped up out of the blue. I don't want to rush into anything but man, I can't deny the way I feel about her right?
I used to be the type to scoff at people who were like, "hey I met this awesome person on the net!"
And now it has happened to me! The irony is just kills me. It proved to me that love just is. It's nothing you can find, it finds you, and always when you least expect it.
My friend I know that lightning will strike you. When I saw that picture I thought to myself, "this is a guy I would totally love to have coffee with and take in a show and just hang out." All that form your smile.
I used to be the type to scoff at people who were like, "hey I met this awesome person on the net!"
And now it has happened to me! The irony is just kills me. It proved to me that love just is. It's nothing you can find, it finds you, and always when you least expect it.
My friend I know that lightning will strike you. When I saw that picture I thought to myself, "this is a guy I would totally love to have coffee with and take in a show and just hang out." All that form your smile.
Today some thug-lifer's came into the computer store (one of my partner's businesses.) with some macintosh computers they needed help with. I am the only person with macintosh experience for about fifty miles so I helped them out. Seems they are getting into the recording studio business. They have no idea what they are doing. They asked me to work on the sly for the...
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drave:
Yeah. Maybe my grandpa isnt loosing it although sometimes he does seem like it even to me. lol. But uh lets see My grandpa is 55? I think. Im not sure. So yeah hes under 60.
Hes a really kewl guy I only see him like twice a year though cuz he lives like 4 hours away.
Im having a lot of problems with my camera lately and imll have to buy a new one it wont transfer pictures to the computer and its just on its way out. Its been through a lot. lol. But uh I am hoping that with Christmas money I can buy a new camera and then maybe I can get you a pic on here. Pics I take with my cell phone are not clear at all so Ill hav eto wait till I buy a new camera. A lot of picture I have of me are stored on my friends computer and he accidentally rewrote over his hard drive last night and I was getting ready for the club and he came over crying saying i lost all your pictures. But I was like MAn dont worry about its not a big deal. I felt really bad cuz he was crying sad. I guess he felt really bad because they were picture ive taken since the 9th grade.
Sucks but hey thats what life gave me ill accept it and move on.
I would shave my head but its already shaven above my ears underneath and I think if I just get a hair cut i can salvage some hair. Sooo, ill just get it cut short. Or something. Blah. Yeah the lady at the hair black told me if I cut a inch or two off my hair would start getting heathier. SO thats probably what i'll do.
Id type more but my mommy needs the computer.
Hes a really kewl guy I only see him like twice a year though cuz he lives like 4 hours away.
Im having a lot of problems with my camera lately and imll have to buy a new one it wont transfer pictures to the computer and its just on its way out. Its been through a lot. lol. But uh I am hoping that with Christmas money I can buy a new camera and then maybe I can get you a pic on here. Pics I take with my cell phone are not clear at all so Ill hav eto wait till I buy a new camera. A lot of picture I have of me are stored on my friends computer and he accidentally rewrote over his hard drive last night and I was getting ready for the club and he came over crying saying i lost all your pictures. But I was like MAn dont worry about its not a big deal. I felt really bad cuz he was crying sad. I guess he felt really bad because they were picture ive taken since the 9th grade.
Sucks but hey thats what life gave me ill accept it and move on.
I would shave my head but its already shaven above my ears underneath and I think if I just get a hair cut i can salvage some hair. Sooo, ill just get it cut short. Or something. Blah. Yeah the lady at the hair black told me if I cut a inch or two off my hair would start getting heathier. SO thats probably what i'll do.
Id type more but my mommy needs the computer.
lambda:
What's with the whole "chapel perilous" thing? I've noticed shady types tend to talk alot about karma and vibes and omens, and sometimes even peace and love, getting caught up in little synchronicities, and then go around screwing people and not paying much attention to the consequences of their actions, i.e. lack of dependable friends, open and intimate relationships, peace, security, etc.
Does this relate?
Yeah, I feel like these freaky dealings get me out of my bubble and show me the weirder side of life. I try to remind myself not to get caught up in, attached to, or be "more sly" than the sly folks. Good luck, and don't let them near your women-friends!
Does this relate?
Yeah, I feel like these freaky dealings get me out of my bubble and show me the weirder side of life. I try to remind myself not to get caught up in, attached to, or be "more sly" than the sly folks. Good luck, and don't let them near your women-friends!
So trying to change patterns and begin new patterns. Working that whole "30 days to habit" thing on various angles. Now adding "very cold" water to the end of the shower routine, agni sari prana breathing to more morning ab workout, daily drawing time, writing time, cleaning time, and others to be named and deployed later. Granted they aren't all going to be started immediately....
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drave:
Trust me I'm pretty careful with my black widow. I dont really wana get bit. lol.
Your store sounds like it is very very stressful. Hug* Hmm my grandpa is Buddhist and he always gets me to do that breathing Yoga stuff. Everytime he visits he makes me sit down and mediatate with him. My Grandpas wierd. Hes really kewl though. He called my mom and was like well do you think You all would like to go to a nudist colony sometime in the spring. My mom was like HELL NO and he told her to ask me.
I dont know if I wanna go to a nudist colony with my GRANDPA lol. But my minds still open. lol.
Anyways good luck with the ARt school that you start soon. Sounds like it will be a lot of fun. I would love to see your some of the work you do while your in school.
Your store sounds like it is very very stressful. Hug* Hmm my grandpa is Buddhist and he always gets me to do that breathing Yoga stuff. Everytime he visits he makes me sit down and mediatate with him. My Grandpas wierd. Hes really kewl though. He called my mom and was like well do you think You all would like to go to a nudist colony sometime in the spring. My mom was like HELL NO and he told her to ask me.
I dont know if I wanna go to a nudist colony with my GRANDPA lol. But my minds still open. lol.
Anyways good luck with the ARt school that you start soon. Sounds like it will be a lot of fun. I would love to see your some of the work you do while your in school.
lambda:
"agni sari prana breathing"
Funny, I was just reading about it this "morning" in Anatomy of Hatha Yoga, which is a good book but oh-so-thick, kinda highlighting the "little at a time" mentality. I'll read 2 or 3 pages a day every so often, and even if I don't really the whole thing I always learn something new when I sit down with it.
That whole cleaning thing still gets me, though...
Funny, I was just reading about it this "morning" in Anatomy of Hatha Yoga, which is a good book but oh-so-thick, kinda highlighting the "little at a time" mentality. I'll read 2 or 3 pages a day every so often, and even if I don't really the whole thing I always learn something new when I sit down with it.
That whole cleaning thing still gets me, though...
I've been in a daze for months now. I thought I was waking up but now I just realized that I ran off the road headfirst into a tree. What the fuck. Anyone got any ideas as to how to wake myself the fuck up? 
addendum: the tree is a metaphor, sorry. A tree as in I've come to a sudden stop in progress,
I...
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addendum: the tree is a metaphor, sorry. A tree as in I've come to a sudden stop in progress,
I...
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chai:
thanks for YOUR kind words!! really im not afraid of the new flat im living, no no, i love it, its agreat flat! the thing around afraids me some times, but i realized a lo these days... m feeling more and more comfortable with myself! i dont have much words fort that... expecaially in english... but i think you know what i mean, i think the wish is just beeing contented with the own person, whatever what happens around... hope u have a great weekend!!
thanks for YOUR kind words!! really im not afraid of the new flat im living, no no, i love it, its agreat flat! the thing around afraids me some times, but i realized a lo these days... m feeling more and more comfortable with myself! i dont have much words fort that... expecaially in english... but i think you know what i mean, i think the wish is just beeing contented with the own person, whatever what happens around... hope u have a great weekend!!
lambda:
So I guess this is the best place to respond to your response Sorry if it's a little out-of-stream.
'
I was refering to waking up from the eternal dream, being lucid, enlightened, etc, not really just "waking up". '
Oh, yeah, I know. I was being a little coy, but at the same time, have you seen pictures of those japanese monks standing under waterfalls? I've begun to realize how really truly COLD that water actually is, and how in some sense the body's urge to self-preservation somehow arrouses the mind to unify, dispel attachment, and really be present.
Two things that come to mind -
* Have you ever read descriptions of people dying of cold? Mostly, at the moment people give up and succomb their bodies are flooded with physical warmth and an accompanying sense of peace and well-being. I feel like there's some deep relationships between our generation of body heat, our seeking out heat in others, and the transcendental life force that we're all trying to understand or at least get along with.
* On the other hand, I've hardly ever thought, seen, perceived and been so clearly aware as during the few migraines that I've had. The pain made all distractions and desires and plans and preoccupations and whatever else totally irrelevant, and what was left over is the closest I've come to "pure thought", which wasn't necessarily helpful in my life except that I felt WAY more calm and clear afterwards, and in generel felt more big A Awake.
"What are you studying?"
Alot of things right now, including my own bipolar tendencies of working very hard for a little while and then sabatoging my efforts :/
Sorry if it's a little out-of-stream.
'
I was refering to waking up from the eternal dream, being lucid, enlightened, etc, not really just "waking up". '
Oh, yeah, I know. I was being a little coy, but at the same time, have you seen pictures of those japanese monks standing under waterfalls? I've begun to realize how really truly COLD that water actually is, and how in some sense the body's urge to self-preservation somehow arrouses the mind to unify, dispel attachment, and really be present.
Two things that come to mind -
* Have you ever read descriptions of people dying of cold? Mostly, at the moment people give up and succomb their bodies are flooded with physical warmth and an accompanying sense of peace and well-being. I feel like there's some deep relationships between our generation of body heat, our seeking out heat in others, and the transcendental life force that we're all trying to understand or at least get along with.
* On the other hand, I've hardly ever thought, seen, perceived and been so clearly aware as during the few migraines that I've had. The pain made all distractions and desires and plans and preoccupations and whatever else totally irrelevant, and what was left over is the closest I've come to "pure thought", which wasn't necessarily helpful in my life except that I felt WAY more calm and clear afterwards, and in generel felt more big A Awake.
"What are you studying?"
Alot of things right now, including my own bipolar tendencies of working very hard for a little while and then sabatoging my efforts :/
Swarna, the girl from VA just wants to be friends afterall. I guess it wasn't as monumental a moment as I imagined it to be. It still felt really good for a day or two. Oh well. Everyone I show interest in either doesn't return it or seems oblivious to my liking them. I think I am pretty obvious with my flirting, but oh well....
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una:
Yeah, some girls think that they are so fucking hot that the only reason a guy would talk to them is cus they want to jump their bones in a bad way 
Haha!
yeah! yeah! unity all the way! A lot of what I dais can be understood using different terminology. and I like you idea of the crone as the future and mother as the past . . .
[Edited on Dec 05, 2005 5:54PM]
Haha!
yeah! yeah! unity all the way! A lot of what I dais can be understood using different terminology. and I like you idea of the crone as the future and mother as the past . . .
[Edited on Dec 05, 2005 5:54PM]
contextual:
Bullshit - you're a monster! Burn it!!
damn i would say come down to visit for your b-day but i have a full nite and then off to charleston in the morning...hope you have a good one regardless
Happy New Year man!