I had a really weird night last night.
I went to bed early but woke up still tired, maybe it was something to do with spending all night fighting the VNAS (Vivid Ninja Assasination Squad).
Through out history, records have shown that many of histories greatest civilisations have had some form of induction, a right of passage if you will, in order to ensure that only the strongest, brightest and best survive to ensure the continuation of their culture.
The VNAS is no different.
They use the stealth of night to conduct silent, and some times deadly missions under the strict orders of their enigmatic leader, a goddess of a woman we know simply as "Vivid".
She rules her secret force of Ninjas from a mysterious palace deep in the concrete jungle know only to the local villagers as "Detroit".
Many explorers have gone missing while looking for the fabled "Detroit" lured by the legends of a red haired woman who can stop a mans heart with one glance and its many car factories and the equaly strange place known as "8Mile".
Only one un-named explorer has ever escaped from the fabled city by disguising himself as a robot with a fancy jacket, which distracted the fashion concerned guards long enough for him to jump into the river and float down the river to freedom.
How I came onto the VNAS radar, I will never know. I think it was the crime of looking at he SG picutres and only leaving the basic "I loved it!" message.
If only I had taken the time to leave a proper message instead of taking the easy option..
I have always been a light sleeper, and that is what probably saved my life.
It was about one thirty in the morning when I heard the door to the balcony being slowly pushed open.
If it wasnt or my room mate insisting on piling all his bags infront of that door, I would probably be a corpse by now.
I sat upright and looked across to the door, and in an instant I came under a flurry of blows from what seemed to be from all angles.
I rolled out of bed, and remembering my army training, I tried to run away.
I ran towards the door, but found it was locked. Now I started to panic, so i reached for the light switch and flicked it on.
Nothing happened. They had cut the power. It was at this point I began to wish I hadnt chosen this to be the night I would sleep naked.
In the dull light from the moon outside, I saw a blur heading towards me, so I ducked to the left, and jabbed with my right.
My fist came into contact with what felt like a well toned body, and released a scent of cheap single serve champagne and seasonal organic strawberrys.
I first realised the punch was a mistake when an elbow crunched me in the side of the head, and secondly when the otherside of my head hit the wall.
I slid to the floor, and like the trained proffessional killer that I am, I grabbed my assailant by the ankle and held on as tight as I could as I buried my teeth into soft supple ankle flesh.
This was my third mistake as I had forgotten to grab the other ankle, thus exposing myself to a monstrous kicking session that some people would pay a dominatrix a small fortune for.
As sudden as the attack began, it ceased.
Spitting out what felt like pints of blood, and what suspiciously felt like my testicles , I rose unsteadily to my feet.
I heard the swish of silk to my left, so I spun to my right (ninjas are sneaky) and reached out with both hands.
I was rewarded for my efforts by swift uppercut followed by a kick to the guts, sending me flying across the room and against my signed David Hasselhoff poster, ripping it in the process.
This made me really angry. Nobody fucks with the Hoff.
Rushing to the desk, I grabbed my laptop and swung it with all the might that a 3 pound laptop with 289GB of midget porn could muster.
Of course I missed. Thats what happens when you get picked last at sports.
The sound of rushing footsteps heading in my direction, then the sensation of womans shoe hitting me squarly in the face (its a sensation I have experienced before, but not voluntarily) and everything went even darker as the stars behind my eyes blinked out one by one, sending me into a cascading ocean of pain and unconsciousness.
I was woken up the next morning by the puzzled look of my room mate as I lay there naked on the Hoffs poster with Bridget the Midget doing what she does best repeatidly on my laptops screen, what appeared to be a crushed tissue on my chest and a tuft of red hair in my cleched fist.
I opened the paper scrunched up on my chest and found the sign of the VNAS.
Its a Black circle with a cross in the center.
Some say she wears it on her left arm, but no one is able to say for sure.
It means that I have been marked by the VNAS, as I had some how survived the attack, and therefore been honoured by in turn becoming accepted as a member of the VNAS.
I am trying to warm people that they can avoid ending up like me if they only take a few seconds to leave a message instead of the "I loved it!" option when looking at her pictures, and if they willingly join the ranks of the VNAS.
All you have to do to join, is pledge yourself to Vivid by saying her name three times infront of an un-cracked mirror at the stroke of midnight, then leaving a message on her page saying that you wish to join her ranks.
Thats all I can tell you for the moment, I have already said too much
I have to go now, as its getting late, and I have been leaving "I loved it" comments on her page all day ,so Im leaving my balcony door open and sleeping naked again just incase....
I went to bed early but woke up still tired, maybe it was something to do with spending all night fighting the VNAS (Vivid Ninja Assasination Squad).
Through out history, records have shown that many of histories greatest civilisations have had some form of induction, a right of passage if you will, in order to ensure that only the strongest, brightest and best survive to ensure the continuation of their culture.
The VNAS is no different.
They use the stealth of night to conduct silent, and some times deadly missions under the strict orders of their enigmatic leader, a goddess of a woman we know simply as "Vivid".
She rules her secret force of Ninjas from a mysterious palace deep in the concrete jungle know only to the local villagers as "Detroit".
Many explorers have gone missing while looking for the fabled "Detroit" lured by the legends of a red haired woman who can stop a mans heart with one glance and its many car factories and the equaly strange place known as "8Mile".
Only one un-named explorer has ever escaped from the fabled city by disguising himself as a robot with a fancy jacket, which distracted the fashion concerned guards long enough for him to jump into the river and float down the river to freedom.
How I came onto the VNAS radar, I will never know. I think it was the crime of looking at he SG picutres and only leaving the basic "I loved it!" message.
If only I had taken the time to leave a proper message instead of taking the easy option..
I have always been a light sleeper, and that is what probably saved my life.
It was about one thirty in the morning when I heard the door to the balcony being slowly pushed open.
If it wasnt or my room mate insisting on piling all his bags infront of that door, I would probably be a corpse by now.
I sat upright and looked across to the door, and in an instant I came under a flurry of blows from what seemed to be from all angles.
I rolled out of bed, and remembering my army training, I tried to run away.
I ran towards the door, but found it was locked. Now I started to panic, so i reached for the light switch and flicked it on.
Nothing happened. They had cut the power. It was at this point I began to wish I hadnt chosen this to be the night I would sleep naked.
In the dull light from the moon outside, I saw a blur heading towards me, so I ducked to the left, and jabbed with my right.
My fist came into contact with what felt like a well toned body, and released a scent of cheap single serve champagne and seasonal organic strawberrys.
I first realised the punch was a mistake when an elbow crunched me in the side of the head, and secondly when the otherside of my head hit the wall.
I slid to the floor, and like the trained proffessional killer that I am, I grabbed my assailant by the ankle and held on as tight as I could as I buried my teeth into soft supple ankle flesh.
This was my third mistake as I had forgotten to grab the other ankle, thus exposing myself to a monstrous kicking session that some people would pay a dominatrix a small fortune for.
As sudden as the attack began, it ceased.
Spitting out what felt like pints of blood, and what suspiciously felt like my testicles , I rose unsteadily to my feet.
I heard the swish of silk to my left, so I spun to my right (ninjas are sneaky) and reached out with both hands.
I was rewarded for my efforts by swift uppercut followed by a kick to the guts, sending me flying across the room and against my signed David Hasselhoff poster, ripping it in the process.
This made me really angry. Nobody fucks with the Hoff.
Rushing to the desk, I grabbed my laptop and swung it with all the might that a 3 pound laptop with 289GB of midget porn could muster.
Of course I missed. Thats what happens when you get picked last at sports.
The sound of rushing footsteps heading in my direction, then the sensation of womans shoe hitting me squarly in the face (its a sensation I have experienced before, but not voluntarily) and everything went even darker as the stars behind my eyes blinked out one by one, sending me into a cascading ocean of pain and unconsciousness.
I was woken up the next morning by the puzzled look of my room mate as I lay there naked on the Hoffs poster with Bridget the Midget doing what she does best repeatidly on my laptops screen, what appeared to be a crushed tissue on my chest and a tuft of red hair in my cleched fist.
I opened the paper scrunched up on my chest and found the sign of the VNAS.
Its a Black circle with a cross in the center.
Some say she wears it on her left arm, but no one is able to say for sure.
It means that I have been marked by the VNAS, as I had some how survived the attack, and therefore been honoured by in turn becoming accepted as a member of the VNAS.
I am trying to warm people that they can avoid ending up like me if they only take a few seconds to leave a message instead of the "I loved it!" option when looking at her pictures, and if they willingly join the ranks of the VNAS.
All you have to do to join, is pledge yourself to Vivid by saying her name three times infront of an un-cracked mirror at the stroke of midnight, then leaving a message on her page saying that you wish to join her ranks.
Thats all I can tell you for the moment, I have already said too much
I have to go now, as its getting late, and I have been leaving "I loved it" comments on her page all day ,so Im leaving my balcony door open and sleeping naked again just incase....
meow:
Tehe....