yeah, it's a helluva heatwave - accompanied, of course, by thunderstorms/showers, but that kinda goes hand-in-hand in the upper midwest, I'm afraid ;)
unfortunately now that we (finally!) got decent weather, a weekend of 'doing' became a weekend of 'meh, I'll just stay home then'
intended on hitting the cinema but the films I wanted to see were already pulled or limited/sold out *sighs* ...
and with construction in the area cutting off my shortcut when I was gonna go out for breakfast, I basically said "fuck it" :(
been spending the weekend trying to clear my head of things since it's nearing my yearly reset - which means it's 'that season' again
we're just a couple days away from the anniversary of my sister Jax's death - which I always tend to physically notice before I realize, as even a short weekend ends up feeling like a long weekend as my mind plays its usual shifts & turns
*sighs* tried to write - poetica or the story for my daughters I'd talked about - but got nothing viable out of this damaged brainpan of mine... go figure
aye, it's been years ( this was back in '01, after all - same year I moved to the Cities ), but she was such a part of my life in the years just prior to that...
it doesn't get to me as it used to, but it's been a long time so that's no surprise, really - just more of a mental bother that recurs for a good couple weeks leading up to the "reset"
while, yes, the anniversary of her death ( & funeral ) are one of the reasons I don't celebrate my b'day - but I hadn't celebrated my b'day/"reset" for over 13yrs+ before her death
...this just added another reason not to
hells, I remember my cousin wishing me a happy b'day at the funeral - weirdly the only person who had remembered *shrugs* - miss her as well, though that was more recent
well, one of the funerals, that is - she's the only person I know who ended up having 3 funerals because of how many people knew & loved her state-wide...
though one of the funerals was even tougher due to the priest not being able to make it through the funeral himself w/out suddenly breaking down and rushing out & off :(
while married the ex would try to cheer me up, weirdly, around this time of year - she would physically notice I was "off"
*shrugs* didn't usually end up very much - though I did do a few 4th of July weekends where I volunteered at CONvergence which kept me distracted
usually it meant driving somewhere we could go out-to-eat nearby each other or to a theatre playing flicks we'd both want to see
( the ex & I never actually dated - when we went out to eat it'd be at nearby restaurants or a place I'd be at the bar eating & she in the eating area...
or we'd go to a theatre & see flicks playing around the same time & meet after the shows )
I named my eldest daughter after my sister - though she still doesn't understand the honour any further than that she's "named after a dead person"
hopefully I can explain what an honour the namesake is & have her understand someday that she's named after someone that was the member of the family I could count on & get viable suggestions from when I was pondering something :(
( seriously - my mothre & fathre ? yeah - no way I'd ask them... the amount of rumours they spread anyway back in the day based on little-to-no information was pathetically saddening... )
ANYways... I'll probably do at least one more posting before the "reset"
( gods - almost 46yrs already ?? am I seriously that old ? - *yeesh* )
Farethee well, my Lovelies - until next posting, keep Loving & Living Life !
twittage ::
6/23 : Help support ICE & federal law - with the PD's hands being tied & threatened should they support or assist ICE, let's let 'em know we support their upholding ALL laws !
1-866-DHS-2-ICE (1-866-347-2423) - to report suspicious criminal activity to the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Homeland Security Investigations (HSI) Tip Line 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the year
6/25 : weird dreamage I wish hadn't ended so soon : driving a motorized gas station attendant booth at midnight w/ Samuel L Jackson (!), an officer, & a sexy-sweet, highly distracting attendant in a body suit that looked like an amalgam of lovelies I've known throughout my life *whew*
6/26 : "what are you doing for your birthday?"
me : do I LOOK like I'm 12 ??
while there is a touch of jest in this, everyone I know (other than relatives) has known me since after I stopped celebrating, so to even ask is absurd... I stopped celebrating long before my sister's death
6/27 : Should I be worried or amused that an officer was in the hallway looking for the neighbour that was robbed & had moved ?
6/28 : I was posed a VERY intriguing question - since I already have memory loss from head damage, would I even notice if I developed alzheimers ? could it possibly trigger healing of damaged/lost memories ? would it possibly affect just the memory damaged/lost &, thus, be moot ?
6/29 : well... was gonna enjoy the weekend heatwave & take the long walk to the nearest theatre t'see a couple o'flicks - glad I checked online 1st, since what I want t'see is pulled or limited/sold out :( ...guess I'll just shower, walk to Perkins for bf, & maybe back home again
6/29 II : (wow)... idiots galore today - waiting at crosswalk & opposite/across someone's car-phone so loud you can't help but notice : "Asshole, this is a private call!" me : then Roll. Up. Your. Window...!
6/29 III : weiiirdness... the updated home phone sent me a message informing me I hadn't checked my texts... on my landline ! apparently this updated/different service actually takes texts on the home line - I wasn't even aware this was possible, let alone happening... (wow)
6/30 : oh... gods... the "everyone needs to be saving 500-1000 $ a month" girl was on the news again this mornin' *yeesh* - sorry, lady, but not all of us are making 6-digits a year while living in a double-layered cardboard box w/ gov'mt issued high-end celphone >:( *hate-that-lady*
This Week's Random Playlist (albums) ::
Anthrax - [multiple albums]
watched recently :
via rental/streaming:
Cloak & Dagger (2nd Season)
Ralph Breaks The Internet
Star Trek: Voyager (4th Season)
The Punisher (2nd Season)
Murder Mystery
ownedflix:
Big Hero 6
Small Soldiers
Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles
Rat Race
The Fifth Element
Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets
Father Hood
Big Trouble
Amityville 3-D
Lake Dead (Afterdark Horrorfest II)
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose, AK/GOT (OOP)
unusualist - I have yet to find a religion and/or spirituality that fits my own personal beliefs... other than, of course, the fact I am a (fallen) god.
( y'just now figured out that I'm basically a non-practicing hedonist? "if it feels good, do it, if it feels bad, you're doing it wrong" )
( "I believe in the proven power of willpower and the truth we are the gods we created. No one being created this universe and its wonders." )
( "the words of wisdom I follow will be the words I've written myself based on the life and experiences that I have Lived, Enjoyed, & Survived" )
( "may the platelets of justice travel the bloodstream of villainy, clog its arteries with honourable vengeance, and induce a coronary of truth" )
( "we are all inmates in the same asylum, some of us are just better at bribing the guards" )
( "In a previous life I was the engine block to a '56 chevy, I lost my heart to a Volkswagen Bus... er, wait - or was that a '57?" )
( "Godfuck Me, Jesus!" )
"Lately, we've been playing music by this chap named Bieber, gosh, you should hear the screams"
"Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave..."
"Oh, man. I'm sensing something very canadian about this place..."
"It's all true, god's an astronaut, Oz is over the rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live..."
Jax : "yay for you, do you want a cookie or a bozo button?"