but to expect anything less of wintertide here in the northern-midwest is a bit of wishful thinking, to say the least :(
being effectively 'trapped' indoors has left me feeling quite cooped up, which is - sadly - the norm in wintertide
thankfully I 'escape' via work, which has been quite intense this past year with a lot of changes occurring and in the works
but - of course - this means the walk to work is quite cold *shivers* ... I've faced worse in the past, but I'm older & wiser(?) & just sick of wintertide, honestly :)
( aka "just because I have before doesn't mean I want to again" )
one thing that tends to help & keep me going - at least mentally - is music... someplace I've always found a place
after all, there's a song out there for every feeling, every emotion ( something I've been saying for decades now )
emotionality, of course, is the key to survival ... I've always kept myself as much under lock-and-key as possible, physically, but emotionally I can be a scattered deck of cards
when distracted - such as hard at work or watching particular films or reading particular novels, etc - I'm largely emotionally kept, though there can be triggers ( of course )
music, as much as I need it, can be quite the emotional trigger when particular songs come on... for a multitude of reasons
an unquestionable truth is that there are songs that remind me of particular moments ... or particular people that've been part of my life
while I've never had "a song/our song" with any of my relationships ( though only having had one relationship last longer than 40days, maybe there just hasn't been time for it to occur ? )...
and not everyone in my life has a song that associates to them ( sorry to disappoint! )
...nonetheless, especially with people I've lost ( which, as I've mentioned in other posts, there are a lot/far too many of ), there are songs that immediately bring them to mind
which leads me to ::
Songs That Remind Me Of...
( in no particular order - of death or otherwise )
"Surrender" - Twitch
* I graduated with Twitch - helped him to graduate, in fact, but that's a different tale - and, while we didn't hang out often nor always and I didn't meet him until my move to a new school Sophmore Yr of HS, I considered him my Best Friend ( or closest I'd ever had )
* when we'd 'roadpack'/'go driving,' we listened to a lot of King Diamond - even having created a tape-loop of evil laughter from one of his songs, for when we'd drive into 'haunted' Bemis or the like :)
* however, the reason "Surrender" reminds me of Twitch is the Graduation Party... we played the Trixter album on repeat the entire night to morning ( with a few breaks to give the car stereo/battery a break )
* we'd jury-rigged one of the kegs so after people thought it was empty we dragged it over to the car *laughs* ... not long before daylight, we realized - and verified by walking around - that we were the only ones to have stayed awake the entire night... and kept drinking! *laughs* - at daybreak we finally left, heading to his parents & crashed hard ( albiet for just a few hours )
* so, Trixter's "Surrender" - one of the songs we loved & sang - is the key reminder of that night and my best friend, who unfortunately died not too many years thereafter *sighs* :(
"Daughter" - Jenny
* ah, Jenny - what can I say about the one who was truly my oldest-known friend, who knew me longer than my memory goes... and ended up being my first kiss even though we realized after two attempts at dating that it would never work *smirks* ( we never lasted a day each attempt )
* during our roadtrips ( I took random roadtrips with a lot of friends - including 'roadpacking' ) where it was just me & her, she'd ask me to play Pearl Jam's "Daughter" - at least twice *smiles*
* it's the only song she ever asked me to play more than once, for whatever reason she had for wanting to hear it, therefore it resonates with me & I immediately think of this lost li'l lovely of a friend when I hear it
* her passing was unexpected for me, since mere months earlier she'd been talking to me about wanting to get out of where she was & possibly crash at my place for a few weeks to re-get her bearings - being someone I've known so long & trusting wholeheartedly, I was all for it... but... yeah
"One For Rock N Roll" - mothre
* there was never much I did with my parents, together or alone - hells, once I was around 15 even "family trips" didn't include me, beyond asking me if I could watch the(ir) house while they were gone...
* but there were the rare occasions, particularly when I finally moved much farther away, that mothre would randomly visit... to which I'd pick on her/give her grief when she took me shopping & she'd pick on me/give me grief in equal measure when we went out to eat after :)
* once, when she let me pick the station/music - after finding out I'd been making mix-tapes for others - she asked me to make her a mix-tape of country music... not owning much country, it was a fairly easy endeavour to do
* on a whim I included Cinderella's bluesy "One For Rock N Roll" as the last track, having room to spare - and she absolutely loved it *smiles*
* ...while we didn't have much to share, even if we did get along better than fathre & I did, that song has reminded me of her since her passing from cancer
"Edge Of A Broken Heart" - Vixen
* an energetic tiny li'l thing that I'd only seen once since the late '80s before her passing, she was a beautiful 'heavy-metal midget' that had a contagious smile & flirtatious attitude towards all men ( we dated for maybe a day, though this was before my first kiss so it didn't amount of anything )
* her real name was Vixen, so when the band Vixen hit the airwaves it was immediately what absolutely had to be played *laughs*
* after all, she had the same hairstyle & wore similar clothing to their videos as well *grins* - ah, the '80s, what's not to love ??
* I'll never know what truly happened to her in Cali... she'd told her friends there she'd intended on visiting me soon, so Cali PD called me when she'd went missing, and days later I got the horrifying call that they'd found her body *sighs* - her sister visited me for a couple days not long thereafter, who I'd never met prior
* the last time I'd seen her was at a gas station maybe a year before the call/her death, where out of nowhere this lithe li'l thing jumped into my arms with happy laughter and hilariously kissing my cheeks :D - such wonderful timing, even if it was only a passing moment between us... and our last passing moment at that
...and that's all that comes to the top of my head right now *shrugs* - but those are standout Sounds That Remind Me of...
twittage::
1/13 : wtf, people?!? saw a neighbour going up stairs on crutches, so had to ask - a dumbass literally drove onto the sidewalk & hit them to avoid hitting a f'n squirrel... they admitted choosing a pedestrian over a squirrel ! yes, the neighbour is taking them to court for every $ !
1/15 : awww... disappointed today's delivery driver that I didn't challenge him this time *laughs* - he's going through a physical recovery & likes the workouts, even though he wasn't the driver the last few orders *shrugs* :)
1/21 : I Regret to Inform I find Myself Neither Culturally Nor Historically Significant at this Point in my Life - This May Be Re-Addressed In 10-20 Yrs, Thank You For Your Time & Interest
1/24 : "aren't you cold?"
darlin', this is riding leather, only my head & legs are cold
[ranks up there w/ years back :] "you need a real winter jacket"
you've obviously never worn real leather, nothin' warmer
This Week's Random Playlist (albums) ::
Motörhead - [multiple albums]
W.A.S.P. - Inside The Electric Circus
watched recently :
via rental/streaming:
Future Man (2nd Season)
The Orville (2nd Season)
Runaways (2nd Season)
Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events (3rd Season)
The Librarians (4th Season)
Daredevil (3rd Season)
Ocean's 8
Practical Magic
Class (1st/Only Season)
ownedflix:
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!
The Devil's Carnival
Alleluia! The Devil's Carnival
Dark Angel: The Ascent
Carnival Of Souls
Starhunter (1st Season)
Life
John Carpenter's The Thing
Eureka (4th Season)
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose, AK/GOT (OOP)
unusualist - I have yet to find a religion and/or spirituality that fits my own personal beliefs... other than, of course, the fact I am a (fallen) god.
( y'just now figured out that I'm basically a non-practicing hedonist? "if it feels good, do it, if it feels bad, you're doing it wrong" )
( "I believe in the proven power of willpower and the truth we are the gods we created. No one being created this universe and its wonders." )
( "the words of wisdom I follow will be the words I've written myself based on the life and experiences that I have Lived, Enjoyed, & Survived" )
( "may the platelets of justice travel the bloodstream of villainy, clog its arteries with honourable vengeance, and induce a coronary of truth" )
( "we are all inmates in the same asylum, some of us are just better at bribing the guards" )
( "In a previous life I was the engine block to a '56 chevy, I lost my heart to a Volkswagen Bus... er, wait - or was that a '57?" )
( "Godfuck Me, Jesus!" )
"Lately, we've been playing music by this chap named Bieber, gosh, you should hear the screams"
"Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave..."
"Oh, man. I'm sensing something very canadian about this place..."
"It's all true, god's an astronaut, Oz is over the rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live..."
Jax : "yay for you, do you want a cookie or a bozo button?"