If you don't read my personal blog, you may not know that I write a weekly column for The Onion AV Club, called The Games of our Lives. It's a great gig: I get paid to play and write about classic video games, and I get a free subscription to The Onion. 
This means that I get to cut out things like this, and sneak them into my wife's purse:
This means that I get to cut out things like this, and sneak them into my wife's purse:
Area Man Looking For Whatever The Hell Is Beeping
DELMAR, NYCraig Mitich, 27, has spent 20 minutes searching his apartment for whatever the hell is emitting a high-pitched beep every few minutes. "Okay, it's not my cell phone... it's not my microwave... or my car-alarm remote," said Mitich, standing motionless with an ear cocked toward his entertainment center. "God, what is it? Can a power strip beep?" At press time, Mitich was on his hands and knees, unplugging his appliances one by one.
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splendid show, old bean!