wantingseed

it's been a rough week. my girlfriend decided we should no longer be in a relationship after 8.5 years. i have been going up and down but today was the first day that i actually felt ok about it. i think that once time sets in i will recognize this as the great opportunity that it is. i have decided to be nomadic for the next two months and bounce around between san francisco, l.a., and san diego. i am keeping my gig at lou jones' on mondays and saturdays. friends and family have been really supportive and have offered me places to stay throughout the process. i was considering moving up to l.a. full time but i am not sure it's the city for me. a good friend wants to move out of his place so we are planning to get an apartment together here in s.d. in august.

i really believe that in the end this will be a good thing. it is hard right now and i miss her, but i choose to neither have hatred nor animosity towards her. she has been a huge part of my life for a long time and we had many wonderful experiences together that i will hold onto forever. i really wish her the best and know that in time we can be the friends we have always been for one another.

the range of emotions has been really interesting. i was going between angry and heartbroken for a few days and felt like i should retreat into the shell i keep for these times. i decided instead that i need to let myself feel everything and use it to my benefit. i am really excited to have the opportunity and the means to embark on this adventure. none of this would have been possible without the people i hold near and dear and they more than anything right now are the reason i know i will get through this. i have to recognize what is happening as a brand new start and use the emotion positively both in writing and music.