volatile

me neither. but at least jesus loves you more than you could know

I just wish I was 17 and living in NC...

YAY! naps!

I love love love napping. oh it's fantastic.
I love my dreams when I nap. they teach me so much more than my dreams when I sleep at night.

YAY for naps!

While it seems like these people are few and far between, take comfort in the knowledge that you're still one of them and that you're never alone in thinking something; a reminder that such people still exist...

Umm welcome to my world. Cept I rarely get what I want, but I usually just want what I can't have, and it's usually some sort of asshole who ignores me and treats me like shit...how do we break this fucking pattern I ask you? Cuz I'm starting to like another asshole with a girlfriend. Fuckshit!

But at least you conquered that shit!

That happened to me once (and only once) when I was 17. She was like 21. If he's anything like me, I doubt he would object in the slightest!

17 is the legal age of consent.

Rock it, girl.

You're right-- it's just part of the grieving process. It's been quite a stressful experience for you and your mind is finding ways to release it. The important thing is to take the time to do that and not to feel guilty about it, but make sure you don't use it as a license to be an asshole. I'm sure you won't, but y'know... some people do...

The stages of grief:

1. Denial : "It can't be happening."
2. Anger : "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
3. Bargaining : "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
4. Depression : "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5. Acceptance : "It's going to be OK."

Honestly, I would put off any heavy drinking for a while, until you feel normal, again. I mean, drinking a little is fine, but to not drink for a month and then jump straight into drinking heavily is a bit much - it's like going on a strict diet and then eating a gallon of icecream: you undo everything you did, and it puts you straight back into old habits.

My advice would be to have one, maybe two drinks when you get back into drinking - and spread them out over a decent period of time so that you're buzzed, but not drunk. And if your friends can't understand why, then fuck 'em - they should support you. I feel like it's too easy to try using alcohol to self-medicate, which would make dealing with your grandfather's death even more difficult. I know that's not what you are setting out to do - but once you start, in this state of mind, there's no telling what might happen. Go slow, and surround yourself with people who understand and respect you.

Working through grief sucks... but it happens to everyone, in very different ways. I agree with Lego - take your time and don't feel guilty. *kisses* Call me if you need anything.