being sedated sucks when it starts to wear off.
never heard back from dude yesterday. i guess he was still fixing his brakes as he was MIA all day. wish he'd called though. hopefully i'll hear from him today.
not one of my friends has called to ask how court went. this kind of bothers me too. like, everyone knew i was going...so what gives? i dunno, i just feel like i put more effort into my relationships than i get back...and i know it's about the giving, but damn, sometimes i'd like to be cared about too, yannow?
everytime karla goes through shit with her man, i drop everything and i'm there for her. i call her crying one time though, and she says she'll call me back and i don't hear from her for like weeks. this goes for pretty much any of my friends. they always come to me with their problems, but the minute i have one they all seem to just take off. i guess i am not really a priority to them. i mean, i don't ever expect much from anyone, but i don't think a hey what's up how'd court go is too much to expect, or just a phone call to say hi or something. just a little something to know i'm cared about.
and yeah i can sit here and argue and rationalize back and forth to myself that they do care, but in the end it's how i feel that matters, and right now i feel like i have some shitty ass friends.
i don't know why i need to feel appreciated. maybe once i stop giving a fuck if people care or not it won't matter.
i don't plan on calling any of my friends this week. i'm just gonna do my own thing i guess. if someone calls, yippee. if no one does, whatever. guess i'm better off without.
besides, it's nothing a couple klonopins can't knock me out of.
those fuckers put my ass to sleep like you wouldn't believe.
and on that note, i gotta go back to bed.
goodnight.
never heard back from dude yesterday. i guess he was still fixing his brakes as he was MIA all day. wish he'd called though. hopefully i'll hear from him today.
not one of my friends has called to ask how court went. this kind of bothers me too. like, everyone knew i was going...so what gives? i dunno, i just feel like i put more effort into my relationships than i get back...and i know it's about the giving, but damn, sometimes i'd like to be cared about too, yannow?
everytime karla goes through shit with her man, i drop everything and i'm there for her. i call her crying one time though, and she says she'll call me back and i don't hear from her for like weeks. this goes for pretty much any of my friends. they always come to me with their problems, but the minute i have one they all seem to just take off. i guess i am not really a priority to them. i mean, i don't ever expect much from anyone, but i don't think a hey what's up how'd court go is too much to expect, or just a phone call to say hi or something. just a little something to know i'm cared about.
and yeah i can sit here and argue and rationalize back and forth to myself that they do care, but in the end it's how i feel that matters, and right now i feel like i have some shitty ass friends.
i don't know why i need to feel appreciated. maybe once i stop giving a fuck if people care or not it won't matter.
i don't plan on calling any of my friends this week. i'm just gonna do my own thing i guess. if someone calls, yippee. if no one does, whatever. guess i'm better off without.
besides, it's nothing a couple klonopins can't knock me out of.
those fuckers put my ass to sleep like you wouldn't believe.
and on that note, i gotta go back to bed.
goodnight.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
hope the fella has rung by the time you read this, which im sure he will
how did the court go? hopefully it went well, it obviously didnt go to badly...
as for the pills.... you know how i feel, i know things get hard at times and they seem like they help but they are only there to make things easier... which although nice, making things easier is no cure... and the easy option is very rarely the right one
really try and take as few of those aspossible, they really dont help and long term they can make things a billion times worse.... but you know this already, i just worry...
as for friends... they're all the same unfortunately, genuinely caring people are very few and far between. as you said, the sooner you realise this the better... once you accept that you can not expect from others what you give yourself relationships become far easier, although you will get some back, its very rare to receive what you give...
other people have their own crap going on that they think is important and very few people think outside of their little bubble of problems... dont judge them too harshly, they're just trying to survive themselves.... but unfortunately lack the capability to look outside of their sphere to others who are in need... but quick to pull those around them into their sphere when they need the support... one of humanities more depressing problems...
anyway... sorry i havent stopped by for a while... i wont leave it as long next time
hope you are well
me
.....
that bloody chicken follows me everywhere... sorry