venenumliscens

All right, now yesterday my head was spinning most of the day. I have been getting good about things lately but yesterday wasn't very good. My "girlfriend" and I discussed in part, cause she doesn't really like talking about these things, about us when she get back from France. She said yesterday that at where we are now, it really wouldn't bother her if I ha a different gf. Now technically we haven't been togother since late April, but to anyone else we would appear together. We spend all our time together and everything else. SO really I could have another gf and not feel bad, but that not what I want. Before we seperated we had been together for four years and that's not something so easy to give up. And it threw me for curve when she said this yesterday cause I figured she was always jealous if I hung out with another girl even. So I was really confused about where things were going. She's leaving for France, till June, in about a month and I would like her to leave with us in somewhat ofa romantic situation. I know when she's gone I don't plan on dating or anything. I want to use the time to clear my head and just swer off chicks for a while, just spend the next 5 months hanging out with friends and of course with her gone jerking off. Haha. I guess I just want her to leave here with the same intentions an not feel that she is entirely single. Tht the break itself will actually help us both. But who knows. I wonder if me working would actually help cause that seems to be a big issue right now. She doean't want to feel involved a bum or anything which I understand. But at the same time I don't understand how that makes a big enough difference where if I had my shit together, where all of a sudden this love would come from. Oh well, I guess I have to spend the next month doig the best I can to better myself or who knows what. I love this girl to death and I would do anything for her. Oh well, I guess I'm done for now.