velocity

My friend Adam and his boyfriend are taking me to the zoo on Saturday. They say I need something fun to look forward to at the end of this weekend. I think they're right, and I also think they're the most fantastic guys on the face of the earth. I've had a pretty rough week, and it's only going to get worse from here, but...
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My sister and I made pizzas on the grill last night. I made a whole wheat sourdough crust, she brought sweet corn, tomatoes and jalapenos from her garden, and we topped it with an aged goat gouda. I'm going to have the leftovers for lunch today.

Also, the peanut butter chocolate cheesecake was brilliant. I'm bringing some to work on Monday, and then I'm considering...
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I'm baking a cake. Not just any cake, though. It's a peanut butter cheesecake with a crust made of Nutter Butters and chocolate ganache topping. Go on, tell me how brilliant I am. You know you want to.

I'm being courted to write the script for a post-apocalyptic subterranian horror flick that's loosely based on the movie within a movie from Strange Brew. The director says I may just be the one human being capable of doing his idea justice. I believe he may be correct.

UPDATE:
A proposal has been made, Thai food has been purchased, ideas have been discussed. A...
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We were just talking about Ray at lunch today, the other teachers and I, as in "Whatever happened to Ray?"

When I first started at the school in January, Ray was the least of my problems. Ray didn't act out, he didn't start fights, he didn't make threats. Even though about two out of every three days he came to school too high to hold...
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I bought a used copy of Jennifer Government for one of my students today, and inside I found two free tickets to a theater production of Puppetry of the Penis! Wow! I was super thrilled and horrified at the same time, until I realized that the tickets were dated for March of 2005. Then I was both relieved and disappointed.

I think now would be a good time for me to start killing indiscriminately.

Recap:
I was hit by a guy in a truck on the freeway. Turns out he was a cop. I filed a police report, attempted to file an insurance claim against him, but was told he owned two silver Dodge trucks and I would need the VIN to file a claim....
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So sick. Going to die. Yesterday I started to feel myself getting sick, and I said if I got another goddamn sinus infection I'd have to just start killing indiscriminately. Believe me, if there were anything within three feet of my sofa that could be killed by waving weakly at it, it would be dead.

I love my job. Even on a day when nothing can go right, things go wrong in such a hilarious manner.

Our secretary is in a wheelchair, and yesterday she had to have her inevitable conversation with the new boss. "I have a degenerative muscle disease," she said, "Which sometimes causes involuntary spasming." Of course, as she was finishing this sentence, she involuntarily kicked him...
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