the idea of forever..
weird.
ive been trying to get my mind around the idea of the "last man". You see, whether in two years or two billion, by way of nuclear war or solar expansion, the last people will be dying from the earth.
i wonder what it would be like to be living in those moments. What will they understand about everything that...
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weird.
ive been trying to get my mind around the idea of the "last man". You see, whether in two years or two billion, by way of nuclear war or solar expansion, the last people will be dying from the earth.
i wonder what it would be like to be living in those moments. What will they understand about everything that...
Read More
i have been asked, by therapists and friends alike, how it helps.
i can see where the whole thing is hard to understand. Sometimes, so much has gone wrong that it seems like the universe has given you the finger. The horror of feeling it all is simply unbearable. A distraction is needed.
once it is over, it completely numbs the weight of the emotional...
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i can see where the whole thing is hard to understand. Sometimes, so much has gone wrong that it seems like the universe has given you the finger. The horror of feeling it all is simply unbearable. A distraction is needed.
once it is over, it completely numbs the weight of the emotional...
Read More
saturn1:
it?
saturn1:
& underneath it all, it's more than fabric, no? maybe really far below, but it's there nonetheless.
i have been asked, by therapists and friends alike, how it helps.
i can see where the whole thing is hard to understand. Sometimes, so much has gone wrong that it seems like the universe has given you the finger. The horror of feeling it all is simply unbearable A distyraction is needed.
once it is over, it completely numbs the weight of the emotional...
Read More
i can see where the whole thing is hard to understand. Sometimes, so much has gone wrong that it seems like the universe has given you the finger. The horror of feeling it all is simply unbearable A distyraction is needed.
once it is over, it completely numbs the weight of the emotional...
Read More
There is something nice about only knowing one of you. In a way, it makes journaling here "safer"..
i stopped by "The Works" tonight. and caught the Dj battle betwixt K. Saunderson and J. Aquaviva.
Both did excellent.
i then came home, sat alone, and chased the dragon..
now I am writing this, completely unsure as to why i came to my computer, and went...
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i stopped by "The Works" tonight. and caught the Dj battle betwixt K. Saunderson and J. Aquaviva.
Both did excellent.
i then came home, sat alone, and chased the dragon..
now I am writing this, completely unsure as to why i came to my computer, and went...
Read More
saturn1:
i am so awake now. and i just read your profile on the side and think i am delirious and in need of sleep.
do you think seriousness/relationships have to do with possesiveness/objectification? i can see the posession part of it...though not always applicable, but objectification i'm hrmm'ing on. i think i'm a serial monogamist so i am always in a relationship and i think i'm done with them for some years. but there's always this urge to feel permanent w/ a person that you sense a connection w/, no matter what the level of connection or how strong you need the sense of permenence to be, you know? ok maybe not. i am thinking too hard for 4 am. snufalupacus wants to snuggle in the bed, i should oblige.
do you think seriousness/relationships have to do with possesiveness/objectification? i can see the posession part of it...though not always applicable, but objectification i'm hrmm'ing on. i think i'm a serial monogamist so i am always in a relationship and i think i'm done with them for some years. but there's always this urge to feel permanent w/ a person that you sense a connection w/, no matter what the level of connection or how strong you need the sense of permenence to be, you know? ok maybe not. i am thinking too hard for 4 am. snufalupacus wants to snuggle in the bed, i should oblige.
my life would be so much different...
if only it werent for my complete lack of anything consistent, stable, or secure.
i wake to noone, i wake for nothing.
i fall asleep with regret.
i have hardly the motivation leave the house.
lonliness and fear corrupt completely.
if only it werent for my complete lack of anything consistent, stable, or secure.
i wake to noone, i wake for nothing.
i fall asleep with regret.
i have hardly the motivation leave the house.
lonliness and fear corrupt completely.
saturn1:
i'd give it to you, if you wanted it.
saturn1:
stability, that is. owww, i feel barfy. must. sleep.
"The devil raids both your hands, takes your stuff and runs away..."
There is nothing more pathetic than the feeling of finding yourself a million light years away from the only person that you thought was there with you.
we are each very alone.
There is nothing more pathetic than the feeling of finding yourself a million light years away from the only person that you thought was there with you.
we are each very alone.
saturn1:
...i'm sorry...
if it's the worth anything you're one of the ...only that has made me not feel alone in a very long time. i think the universe is shifting. don't know where, but want things better for you.
if it's the worth anything you're one of the ...only that has made me not feel alone in a very long time. i think the universe is shifting. don't know where, but want things better for you.
emily:
=(
"When I am dying, I will not be thinking of you, I will be thinking of my politics...."
..politics?
what the fuck..
how can i love someone that could actually say that?
..politics?
what the fuck..
how can i love someone that could actually say that?
considerately:
"just remember i will always love you,
even as i tear your fucking throat away."
even as i tear your fucking throat away."
Today, I blew a tire.
Now that wouldnt be such a big deal, normally.
However, rediculous irony has again made iteself a home... right up my ass.
Now, I own an ,02 VW.
The vehicle owner needs a special key to remove the tire and rim from the car.
Of course (of course), my car simply didnt come with the key.
They forgot to pack...
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Now that wouldnt be such a big deal, normally.
However, rediculous irony has again made iteself a home... right up my ass.
Now, I own an ,02 VW.
The vehicle owner needs a special key to remove the tire and rim from the car.
Of course (of course), my car simply didnt come with the key.
They forgot to pack...
Read More
saturn1:
urgh....i'm sorry to hear that. it's one of those weeks, no?
it'll get better though, you know that.
it'll get better though, you know that.
today was one of absolute extremes.
i slipped even further from someone i love.
i am non reactive.
the bank raped me up the ass, somehow.
life is a wicked, twisted joke.
i slipped even further from someone i love.
i am non reactive.
the bank raped me up the ass, somehow.
life is a wicked, twisted joke.
dia:
isn't it though?
or is it.
I can't quite decide, lemme know if you do.
or is it.
I can't quite decide, lemme know if you do.
saturn1:
i hope the bank thing worked out - it has to, that's insane.
re: slipping further from loved ones : i think at this point i'm finding it funny. hilarious even. it's like a cruel practical joke. guess we should laugh with whoever is laughing at us then, eh? sorry about that though, do i know the feeling...
re: slipping further from loved ones : i think at this point i'm finding it funny. hilarious even. it's like a cruel practical joke. guess we should laugh with whoever is laughing at us then, eh? sorry about that though, do i know the feeling...
....back in Detroit.
getting away was entirely necessary.
I completed more writing and photography in those fourteen days than i have in several months previous.
im lazy.
Colorodo is a pretty state.
Everything seems alot more polished than detroit.
I would never want to live there.
I visited the remains of the Haymen (SP?) fire.
In it's own way, the burnt forest is quite beautiful....
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getting away was entirely necessary.
I completed more writing and photography in those fourteen days than i have in several months previous.
im lazy.
Colorodo is a pretty state.
Everything seems alot more polished than detroit.
I would never want to live there.
I visited the remains of the Haymen (SP?) fire.
In it's own way, the burnt forest is quite beautiful....
Read More
saturn1:
i'm glad it was an experience in lieu of not being anything at or counter-productive. at least you have enough sense to see that you want to be wanted passionately. i fucked up two relationships that were on two oppostite ends of the spectrum, one being me not feeling passion and the other wanting it from someone who was unwilling to let it be even if it was felt. things may be better if i'd just let it go. learned my lesson i guess...but you've probably saved yourself a lot of unescessary pain. life is weird,
the thing about psychics is that they can see what will happen if you choose a certain path but things change completely based on your decisions. i was a raised by a woman that may have saved my life a couple times and gave me no choice but to recognize that there is another sense that most of us ignore.
anyways, thanks for the kind email.
the thing about psychics is that they can see what will happen if you choose a certain path but things change completely based on your decisions. i was a raised by a woman that may have saved my life a couple times and gave me no choice but to recognize that there is another sense that most of us ignore.
anyways, thanks for the kind email.
Furthermore, I think that the concept that man will eventually be extinct is part of what keeps our drive for life going. If we knew we were going to be around forever, then what would be the point of trying to make everything so good NOW. "We got all the time in the world to make life good. Let's lazy around" But because one day (maybe tomorrow) we all might be gone: that's the purpose of living life. To live today.
I don't know just a (long, rambling) thought