vassago

i hope your new fucker gives you a social disease. You are cruel, and if karma really did come around.... you would be one doomed bitch.

I am so tired of this... Im weak.
I feel like I talk to nobody anymore. All of my friends and associates around here ares till avoiding me.

I notice noone avoids Morg.
You all sure tlaked alot of shit about her before the breakup.

This life, this place...
it is a three ringed sideshow of two-faced animals. Liars, liars, liars.

And thus is my life. It doesn''t matter whom I try to make up with or be kind to or what.. I must just be tainted or something.. social cryptonite.

I am always sad, always uncomfortable, always angry (mostly at myself.. and you who have lied)

I cannot believe I have become reduced to this.. so insecure, so helpless, so afraid. Everythign used to be so different.. I used to have so much esteem. I was so in love with a girl and I was so glad to have made it to where I was in life; I had a carrrer future that looked bright, I was young... I really felt alive.

Now, everything is dark.. and sick.
I am a slave to emotional damage and medication. I haven't written anything or made any worthwhile art in SO fucking long. I feel totally burned out, empty..

I can't stand it.. feeling enslaved, hated, and alone all of the time.. my past is constantly in my mind, circling itself... constant thoughts of a brighter time; Kathleen, New Zealand, Grand Rapids, Partying... a dead life that actually included beauty, romance, fun.. all dead and gone.

I dont know why I am how I am. Maybe Im not coping right with change.. maybe i blame myself too severely for all of the change, all of the loss.. I don't know.

There was a time when I wasn't forced to daydream of someone loving me back.