I went to our club tonight.
it was the first time Ive gone out since Andy died. The cuts on my wrists were itching the entire time.
I saw a boy, a boy i like,
He held me for a while. it felt so wonderful.. it feel like forever since Ive simply been held.. especially like that. Ive been hurting so badly and ive been so alone all the time that it was like a new experience just being touched with something like love,
The boy bought me a drink, and soon after he dissappeared for the night.
I sat alone most of the time.. mulling over morgan and other sad circumstaces.
My body ached for heroin.. a nectar it has been denied for some time.
My heart ached for connection, or affection... Im not sure... just something more than the lonliness Ive been granted.
My mind raced between self defeat and hope. I didnt know where to put my thoughts.
Ive accepted where and what I am.. I think.
Morgan is just dead wrong when she screams... Im not a psycho. Im just a fuck of a lot different than you. That does not make me wrong, it does not make me ill.
Maybe I will never find you.. but I know you exist.
You are like me.. you wonder if I exist.. you need me as I need you.
But how can two stars find each other across the billions?
it was the first time Ive gone out since Andy died. The cuts on my wrists were itching the entire time.
I saw a boy, a boy i like,
He held me for a while. it felt so wonderful.. it feel like forever since Ive simply been held.. especially like that. Ive been hurting so badly and ive been so alone all the time that it was like a new experience just being touched with something like love,
The boy bought me a drink, and soon after he dissappeared for the night.
I sat alone most of the time.. mulling over morgan and other sad circumstaces.
My body ached for heroin.. a nectar it has been denied for some time.
My heart ached for connection, or affection... Im not sure... just something more than the lonliness Ive been granted.
My mind raced between self defeat and hope. I didnt know where to put my thoughts.
Ive accepted where and what I am.. I think.
Morgan is just dead wrong when she screams... Im not a psycho. Im just a fuck of a lot different than you. That does not make me wrong, it does not make me ill.
Maybe I will never find you.. but I know you exist.
You are like me.. you wonder if I exist.. you need me as I need you.
But how can two stars find each other across the billions?
cureelise:
things are really really bad here and i'm trying not to turn back to old habits of numbing myself and pain. my uncle is in some deep shit and i'm at a loss of how i should feel or deal with it. it's pretty bad. nothing to do with drunk driving , drugs, or killing someone, but it's up there. i'm really wanting to go back to my habits of ridding myself from the pain , but it would hurt too many people. i thought this might help since u can understand what's it's like to want to numb pain . (My body ached for heroin) it scares me to say this but mine is aching for it now. was thinking of adding some new scars to my body , find a place that i haven't played with yet.