Im sort of web surfing, i guess.
Beavis and Butthead is on in the other room.
My mood has been slowly degenerating for a few hours... Im not totally sure why.
A lot of thoughts about someone I miss.. it's been just over a year.
Real love dies so slowly.. just don't be in chicago.
But you are. And I am here.
My social life has degenerated into nothing.
Rumors, lies and my own reclusiveness have left me without a reason for a phone or hardly a reason to climb out of bed.
Morgan is right, there isn't a single person left who wants me or wants shit to do with me.
Sometimes, I feel ok with it.. like this is what I am am. Alone.
Othertimes. Like now, I am overtaken. In a little while Im going to climb into my bed with my tools of patheticness and drown myself in memories. Lost love, lost opportunity.. my gray, dead future.
I used to dream that the best lay ahead.. that beauty would find me and I could climb out of this hideous swamp of retro-spiraling self hate and emptiness.
I work hard to feel healthy, but you cannot 'decide' to be a joyful person.
Poison takes you, irrelevant of your choices.
I know I could save myself. I know I can leave this filth behind and make something on my own, all alone.. but I just cannot find that place in myself where there is strength to fight, to become more...
I cannot heal.
Beavis and Butthead is on in the other room.
My mood has been slowly degenerating for a few hours... Im not totally sure why.
A lot of thoughts about someone I miss.. it's been just over a year.
Real love dies so slowly.. just don't be in chicago.
But you are. And I am here.
My social life has degenerated into nothing.
Rumors, lies and my own reclusiveness have left me without a reason for a phone or hardly a reason to climb out of bed.
Morgan is right, there isn't a single person left who wants me or wants shit to do with me.
Sometimes, I feel ok with it.. like this is what I am am. Alone.
Othertimes. Like now, I am overtaken. In a little while Im going to climb into my bed with my tools of patheticness and drown myself in memories. Lost love, lost opportunity.. my gray, dead future.
I used to dream that the best lay ahead.. that beauty would find me and I could climb out of this hideous swamp of retro-spiraling self hate and emptiness.
I work hard to feel healthy, but you cannot 'decide' to be a joyful person.
Poison takes you, irrelevant of your choices.
I know I could save myself. I know I can leave this filth behind and make something on my own, all alone.. but I just cannot find that place in myself where there is strength to fight, to become more...
I cannot heal.
cureelise:
saturn1:
do you really blame me? you have abandoned me for someone i warned you about since the first day we met her. i've had things happen to me in the past year that have been as bad as if not worse that was happened to you and you'd know this if you'd return phone calls .... but whatever. it's still reduced to replying back and forth here & i don't even care. life is what it is, and it's not this bad. it's actually pretty good you just need to recognize that.