every time you talk to me I see things so muc fucking clearer.
when people used to say you were evil, and beg me to get the fuck away, I should have.
You see, girl, things are not always as they appear.
Maybe it's a lesson I need as well, but Ive NEVER known anyone who justifies and rationalizes their perceptions more than you.
Part of you is beautiful. But your preoccupation with sex and "getting yourself ahead" is destroying what was beautiful.
Maybe Im not one to talk. Maybe I am horrrible.. but I don't swallow everything you say as God's own word anymore, that's over, and I feel a shitload better in terms of self esteem.
I heard what you have told my friends, and I listen to the screaming rants you give to me.. and it is never about something that I have actually done terribly wrong, or cruel, or unjust.
You attack me for being mentally ill. You atttack me for being an addict. You tell me that those are the reason you have chosen to seek other company. You even have the Gaul to speak on behalf of my friends ("They wont come near you with a 40 ft pole anymore") as if you have somehow gotten SO close to them that you can speak with authority on their behalf.
And the fact is, I am an addict.. yes it sucks. But it is a living nightmare fro me and all I ever wanted was support from you. Instead, you scream about how you can't take it anymore, you call me damaged goods.. untouchable.
If you could see thing clearly, you would note that I have gone from 60 mg of methadone down to 50 in just 2 weeks. A rapid accomplishment. I have done it without support from ANYONE except my family. EVeryone has lied. noone was there through my time in hell, including you. You bailed. But the fact is, I am getting off it. Im in treatment, it might be slow right now, but in another 2 weeks I will hit 40mg methadone, and it will be safe for me to enter a detox facility. What the fuck about that dont you understand? At that point, I will be free from drugs (of virtually any kind), and all of your slander and cheating and yelling will be for nothing.
And as for attacking my 'schizophrenic' state, and hating on me for it's symptoms, that is on you. Im a sick boy, always have been. I did not make myself ill, and I will not tolerate petty people who attack me for being one such way or another.
But i can and perhaps will learn to live with mental illness. I will never be "Perfect" in your way of looking at things. But, I will be functional enough that those around won't even know about what lies inside my mind.. as if they could throw stones anyhow. it's pathetic. Do you not see what is so wrog with yourself? Are you such a glorious being that you can berate, write off, and attack anyone that you feel inclined towards?
It must be nice, standing atop Babel, throwing stones at the untouchable.
when people used to say you were evil, and beg me to get the fuck away, I should have.
You see, girl, things are not always as they appear.
Maybe it's a lesson I need as well, but Ive NEVER known anyone who justifies and rationalizes their perceptions more than you.
Part of you is beautiful. But your preoccupation with sex and "getting yourself ahead" is destroying what was beautiful.
Maybe Im not one to talk. Maybe I am horrrible.. but I don't swallow everything you say as God's own word anymore, that's over, and I feel a shitload better in terms of self esteem.
I heard what you have told my friends, and I listen to the screaming rants you give to me.. and it is never about something that I have actually done terribly wrong, or cruel, or unjust.
You attack me for being mentally ill. You atttack me for being an addict. You tell me that those are the reason you have chosen to seek other company. You even have the Gaul to speak on behalf of my friends ("They wont come near you with a 40 ft pole anymore") as if you have somehow gotten SO close to them that you can speak with authority on their behalf.
And the fact is, I am an addict.. yes it sucks. But it is a living nightmare fro me and all I ever wanted was support from you. Instead, you scream about how you can't take it anymore, you call me damaged goods.. untouchable.
If you could see thing clearly, you would note that I have gone from 60 mg of methadone down to 50 in just 2 weeks. A rapid accomplishment. I have done it without support from ANYONE except my family. EVeryone has lied. noone was there through my time in hell, including you. You bailed. But the fact is, I am getting off it. Im in treatment, it might be slow right now, but in another 2 weeks I will hit 40mg methadone, and it will be safe for me to enter a detox facility. What the fuck about that dont you understand? At that point, I will be free from drugs (of virtually any kind), and all of your slander and cheating and yelling will be for nothing.
And as for attacking my 'schizophrenic' state, and hating on me for it's symptoms, that is on you. Im a sick boy, always have been. I did not make myself ill, and I will not tolerate petty people who attack me for being one such way or another.
But i can and perhaps will learn to live with mental illness. I will never be "Perfect" in your way of looking at things. But, I will be functional enough that those around won't even know about what lies inside my mind.. as if they could throw stones anyhow. it's pathetic. Do you not see what is so wrog with yourself? Are you such a glorious being that you can berate, write off, and attack anyone that you feel inclined towards?
It must be nice, standing atop Babel, throwing stones at the untouchable.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
saturn1:
pfft i offered you a lot more than she did and i never have betrayed or intentionally hurt you... i'm not sure ive even unintentionally hurt you ... and you still spend more energy on her. thats why im not part of this anymore. im a very loyal person if it's reciprocated and it has not been. since last February, i hope things work out for you, i really do, maybe the person i used to know will reappear.
saturn1:
ive looked at the bigger picture, for over a year now. when are you going to consider me?