I have started taking these high-potency Caffeine/Ephedrine/Tyrasine pills. I sort of need to shed a few pounds and I am blending these pills with excersize. No more ugly fatass me. Still, it is after 2am and I am completely wired. I have taken some dyphenhydramine HcL to help combat the restlessness and maybe get a little sleep.
I made a decision four days ago. I don't know how to go into the details here, or if it would really be that appropriate. I know for certian that I need to drop it. And by "it", I mean all of the weight and remorse and guilt and hate that I've been carrying around about Kathleen, and my lost friends, and my lonliness, and my failure.. let it all go, somehow.
Most immediately, I have to drop the opiate thing. No more dope. No more methadone.
Fuck me for needing it, and fuck you for pushing me so far.
this was all 'clenched' when I spoke to Cheryl this past weekend. Even if it forever ends the possibilty of being loved or understood or cared for, I must let it all go and wake the fuck up. I do not need you to know what I mean.
There comes a point in waking life when we must decide wether or not to clear our eyes and look at it all with unclouded vision. But clear sight has a price, and few are willing to pay, i guess.
Maybe the girl is right, and I am feeble brained.. and I do not have the mind to handle this. maybe.
But the bitch was wrong about most everything else, so I can't put too much stock in her observations of me. right?
Waking up, hard to do.
Moving on from LaLa land... I saw this overcoat in the store tonight, it was designed by Merc of London. This coat is fucking great.. I dare say that I "need" it, well, you get the picture. The thing is beautiful, but I need a spare $190.
I have some K waiting in my bedroom. I might go there tonight.. down into a scary, beautiful K-hole. Time to try another perspective, I am starting to look really bland from here. One day, I just might run into someone who actually can see me, that will weird the fuck out of me for sure. I can't imagine someone "getting" it.. or loving me.. you know, for real..
so, what have you taken for granted lately?
I have this to say, try harder. I'm still waiting
I made a decision four days ago. I don't know how to go into the details here, or if it would really be that appropriate. I know for certian that I need to drop it. And by "it", I mean all of the weight and remorse and guilt and hate that I've been carrying around about Kathleen, and my lost friends, and my lonliness, and my failure.. let it all go, somehow.
Most immediately, I have to drop the opiate thing. No more dope. No more methadone.
Fuck me for needing it, and fuck you for pushing me so far.
this was all 'clenched' when I spoke to Cheryl this past weekend. Even if it forever ends the possibilty of being loved or understood or cared for, I must let it all go and wake the fuck up. I do not need you to know what I mean.
There comes a point in waking life when we must decide wether or not to clear our eyes and look at it all with unclouded vision. But clear sight has a price, and few are willing to pay, i guess.
Maybe the girl is right, and I am feeble brained.. and I do not have the mind to handle this. maybe.
But the bitch was wrong about most everything else, so I can't put too much stock in her observations of me. right?
Waking up, hard to do.
Moving on from LaLa land... I saw this overcoat in the store tonight, it was designed by Merc of London. This coat is fucking great.. I dare say that I "need" it, well, you get the picture. The thing is beautiful, but I need a spare $190.
I have some K waiting in my bedroom. I might go there tonight.. down into a scary, beautiful K-hole. Time to try another perspective, I am starting to look really bland from here. One day, I just might run into someone who actually can see me, that will weird the fuck out of me for sure. I can't imagine someone "getting" it.. or loving me.. you know, for real..
so, what have you taken for granted lately?
I have this to say, try harder. I'm still waiting
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
vassago:
i know it does.
cutthekidinhalf:
hmm fatass you? you are like very slim..dear...