vassago

11 days, no heroin.
does that mean I might be winning the fight?
I think that I am in this really confused part of the drama right now.. I miss Kat badly, yet I am now aware enough to know that she isn't coming back, ever.
I am awake enough to know that she never actually loved me.. 'cause you don't just drop those you really love, and turn your back to them while they cry.

I've learned, looking over my life to this point, that it is time to declare my own sovereignty. My will has faded and succumb to the controlling forces of drugs, fear, and the desires of abusive little girls.

I want my will back. For now, I have got to be selfish, self-concerned, and fully self-aware. Those who cannot accept it are going to be forgotten and passed over. My "friends" have used me for too long. It's over.

Freedom, the only thing I need. Without it, i refuse to try for anything.
I am not trying to be melodramatic here.. I am just trying to wake up from a year of opiate slumber and self-hatred. I have almost no remaining self-esteem and I am a neurotic mess for it. So from here out, it's for me.

I miss California. I miss Melanie, alot.
I miss Starli, too.. and Kat, who I am have permanently alientated.
How something is so considered when it is finally gone...