We here at the Research Center for Primitive Social Interactions have been diligent in our quest to uncover the total number of units by which the awesomeness of a party can be gauged. We decided to tag and monitor volunteer UnnecessaryZ and send him into the field. As soon as we began our study, we quickly realized that this "number" could very well be infinite,...
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VIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
waxangel:
The guilt factor may also be determined by how long you sit with your forehead plastered to the bar the next morning just DARING the owner to walk in and give you shit, plus 10% of the number of times you have to jerk off in the bar bathroom just to make yourself feel somewhere near normal.
dharmabox:
after re-calculating all the relevant factors in the equation taking into consideration wind speed and velocity, star cluster alignments and alcohol blood levels i have come up with the following computation:
Blakka-Boom! I'm Somebody's Ex-Husband!
When I finally called the courthouse recently to get the final ruling on my divorce, I realized something that said a lot about the perfect failure that was my marriage: I was more nervous and excited about the ruling than I was about the day I said "I do."
Relationships are a scary thing in the way they creep up on...
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When I finally called the courthouse recently to get the final ruling on my divorce, I realized something that said a lot about the perfect failure that was my marriage: I was more nervous and excited about the ruling than I was about the day I said "I do."
Relationships are a scary thing in the way they creep up on...
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VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
luna666:
ahh shit. i get along great AND am comfortable with my right hand. my left too. i'm fucked.
luna666:
aww shit, both of us in CO this weekend?
they shall suffer.... BIG TIME!
they shall suffer.... BIG TIME!
Last Week II: Kickboxing Annihilation
Last week was full of isolated incidences that, by Sunday, had coalesced into a single destructive body of unstoppable Boo-ya. To put it another way: if the week had gone any better, the government would finally have to approve my proposal for an Awesome Proof Safety Suit lest the counrty be swept away in a lethal blast of fucking sweet....
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Last week was full of isolated incidences that, by Sunday, had coalesced into a single destructive body of unstoppable Boo-ya. To put it another way: if the week had gone any better, the government would finally have to approve my proposal for an Awesome Proof Safety Suit lest the counrty be swept away in a lethal blast of fucking sweet....
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VIEW 25 of 34 COMMENTS
dharmabox:
so you have you hung with ricky at all since he has been up there?
rockinricky:
Egad . . . I didn't touch a computer since I left you that message until just now. Next time my friend.
Chronicles of Riddick
Come on. You knew it was bound to happen.
I think it would be unfair to this movie and others like it if I didn't tell you right now that I love it when they do well at the box office. I think it's fucking awesome. If I was a teacher at a film school, I'd probably be fired about five seconds...
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Come on. You knew it was bound to happen.
I think it would be unfair to this movie and others like it if I didn't tell you right now that I love it when they do well at the box office. I think it's fucking awesome. If I was a teacher at a film school, I'd probably be fired about five seconds...
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VIEW 25 of 40 COMMENTS
throatneedle:
we are brothers... SEE!
i totally forgot about those white girls on the train the other night
i love you man 'cause we keep it real Queens style...even if you hogged all the Lay's last night
i totally forgot about those white girls on the train the other night
i love you man 'cause we keep it real Queens style...even if you hogged all the Lay's last night
lucky7:
I'd like to have some Riddick-ulous lovin' from the man himself! 
I fell for the layers of baby oil! Rob told me Vin Diesel's gay....my fantasy was taken over by drag queens & tranny sex.....for a minute, then I remembered that I've had sex with a gay guy before (he was in denial) & could do it again...only if it's Riddick-ulous gay man sex!
I fell for the layers of baby oil! Rob told me Vin Diesel's gay....my fantasy was taken over by drag queens & tranny sex.....for a minute, then I remembered that I've had sex with a gay guy before (he was in denial) & could do it again...only if it's Riddick-ulous gay man sex!
Survival of the Fittest = Shut Your Fucking Mouth
I seem to remember a time - not too long ago - when it wasn't safe for frail, old, or out of shape people to say whatever they felt like saying to anyone who looked like they might be capable of causing mild to immense damage to their pie filled bodies. I also seem to remember...
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I seem to remember a time - not too long ago - when it wasn't safe for frail, old, or out of shape people to say whatever they felt like saying to anyone who looked like they might be capable of causing mild to immense damage to their pie filled bodies. I also seem to remember...
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VIEW 25 of 47 COMMENTS
beatrice:
you totally should have punched that old bag in the crotch.
mercie:
so where's the fucking party this weekend? i have the whole week off for vacation dammit. and i wanna come to NYC....
Things about me that could be construed as negative...if you happen to be a hopeless sissy
- I'm a firm believer that attention - much like respect - should be earned and not expected. I know this sounds a lot like something that a person without the natural gift of naked breasts would say, but believe it or not, I've seen tits before. If you...
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- I'm a firm believer that attention - much like respect - should be earned and not expected. I know this sounds a lot like something that a person without the natural gift of naked breasts would say, but believe it or not, I've seen tits before. If you...
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VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
legionnaire:
I can't do the sustained eye-contact thing. Too many people consider it an invitation to kick my ass, and I'm not a large man, nor do I know the first damned thing about fighting people. So it's not worth it for me. Maybe I should just show them my profile picture and we'll scare them into submission.
Oh yeah, you should totally come and see Chronicles of Riddick with me and my friend Scott. We have to wait a week or two because we're both being drug tested for this paid medical research study that we're doing - but we're going to make quite an extravaganza out of it. Should be lots of fun.
Oh yeah, you should totally come and see Chronicles of Riddick with me and my friend Scott. We have to wait a week or two because we're both being drug tested for this paid medical research study that we're doing - but we're going to make quite an extravaganza out of it. Should be lots of fun.
mercie:
"When people meet for the first time, the intro is usually followed by finding something interesting to talk about. I usually spend that time wondering if I could take you down should we both suddenly find ourselves inside Thunderdome."
Oh man, I know you came to the conclusion that I could SO take you down after we met.
Oh man, I know you came to the conclusion that I could SO take you down after we met.
Do you think you have what it takes to be in the squad?
Please note: I'm going to count on you people to know whether or not you're funny. You may get in if you're my friend, but if you don't participate and validate your hilarity, there's no reason for you to be there. It's not a popularity contest. It's a hilarity contest. It's a...
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Please note: I'm going to count on you people to know whether or not you're funny. You may get in if you're my friend, but if you don't participate and validate your hilarity, there's no reason for you to be there. It's not a popularity contest. It's a hilarity contest. It's a...
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VIEW 25 of 44 COMMENTS
throatneedle:
senor fag..what are you doing tommorrow?
liv3:
I'm not funny. I've gotten over it.
CAPTAIN Z'S WORLD OF THE EXCITING AND HILARIOUS
- The lasting effect that the game Hitman: Contracts is having on my behavior is becoming overwhelming. My patience has never been better. I'm uncontrollably compelled to sneak everywhere. And to top it all off, I find a way to hide a weapon in nearly everything I eat. I know most of you are probably thinking...
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- The lasting effect that the game Hitman: Contracts is having on my behavior is becoming overwhelming. My patience has never been better. I'm uncontrollably compelled to sneak everywhere. And to top it all off, I find a way to hide a weapon in nearly everything I eat. I know most of you are probably thinking...
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VIEW 25 of 46 COMMENTS
jason:
please do whatever you need to do to make that little goateed head spin.
amitabha:
w00t w00t nigga
From now on everything in my life, no matter what shape or form, will be required to withstand a rigorous comparison process against the might of Van Helsing. A process now refered to in my official science notebook as Van Booya. If Van Helsing was the most beautiful woman in the world that you would do anything to make happy, then, according to my...
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VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
legionnaire:
Nice - is that on cartoon network? Finally, for the first time in my life, as of last week I actually have cartoon network. So I'll try and find it. I'm also looking forward to being able to watch Samurai Jack.
ekim:
You say "hand job from a five dollor crack hoe" like its a bad thing 
ENTERTAINMENT RECOMMENDATIONS
THINGS THAT WILL PROBABLY MAKE YOU HATE ME IF YOU DIDN'T ALREADY!
Since the dawn of human history, the cosmic balance of world-class cynics has been maintained by three universal truths:
1. Happy people don't get along with cynics.
2. Cynics don't get along with each other.
3. Cynics can not be entertained in the normal sense of the word "entertainment".
What makes...
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THINGS THAT WILL PROBABLY MAKE YOU HATE ME IF YOU DIDN'T ALREADY!
Since the dawn of human history, the cosmic balance of world-class cynics has been maintained by three universal truths:
1. Happy people don't get along with cynics.
2. Cynics don't get along with each other.
3. Cynics can not be entertained in the normal sense of the word "entertainment".
What makes...
Read More
VIEW 25 of 61 COMMENTS
ratbugdave:
*high five*
fucking good one...you rock.
fucking good one...you rock.
linz:
you make me giggle.