thejelly

have you ever seen The Truth About Cats And Dogs? do you remember that part where Abby (or was it Noelle?) talks about looking at her face in the mirror? she looks at herself for so long that soon she can't see her face anymore. it's just a bunch of shapes.

i've done that.

you ever imagine yourself in your thoughts and can't really see yourself? when i think about my dad, i can see my dad. i can see expressions he makes with his face. his mannerisms. every wrinkle and pore. when i think about my friends i can see them clearly too. i don't mistake their face with anyone else's or interchange them.

when i think about myself i'm lost. i am seeing someone in my thoughts but it's not who i see in the mirror. i can stare at myself in the mirror for as long as i want but i can never recreate myself in my mind. it's always someone else. not me. maybe it's the girl i'd like to be, or a girl a saw once and thought was pretty, someone who i was envious of.

this face and body i've lived with all my life is not who i see in my mind. what does that mean? is it maybe just one of those human anomalies that subconciously makes living life such a mindfuck?