have you ever heard of people with poisonous personalities?
i'm afraid that my parents might be poisonous.
it seems like everytime i get off the phone with them i feel weak and desperate. i lose all my enthusiasm about life and instead i am filled with dread and worry. i can't do this anymore but they're my parents, how can i just not talk to them? if i was more independent it would be a different story but i am relying on them for finances because i am in school right now.
i told them about my decision to apply to the art school for another bachelors once I graduate. i would go for the masters but i can't since i don't have the same kind of experience nor do i have a portfolio to submit.
my mom told me to do more research on how much money i would be making once i graduate and think about that some more before i decide to invest more time and money into just another bachelors degree (instead of a masters, which is what i was originally thinking about going for) - spoken like a true business woman. i hate that about her.
my dad worried aloud about the financial implications of my decision. he can always make me feel incredibly guilty whether it's intentional or not. he also suggested that i try a school closer to home so we could save money but really i know it's because he wants me under his roof once again.
so after being excited about something work related for once in my life, or even being excited about knowing what i want to do with my life, i am now disillusioned and feel heavy again. i hate this. first it's my ex who makes me feel that way, now my own family? how will i ever escape my life?
i'm afraid that my parents might be poisonous.
it seems like everytime i get off the phone with them i feel weak and desperate. i lose all my enthusiasm about life and instead i am filled with dread and worry. i can't do this anymore but they're my parents, how can i just not talk to them? if i was more independent it would be a different story but i am relying on them for finances because i am in school right now.
i told them about my decision to apply to the art school for another bachelors once I graduate. i would go for the masters but i can't since i don't have the same kind of experience nor do i have a portfolio to submit.
my mom told me to do more research on how much money i would be making once i graduate and think about that some more before i decide to invest more time and money into just another bachelors degree (instead of a masters, which is what i was originally thinking about going for) - spoken like a true business woman. i hate that about her.
my dad worried aloud about the financial implications of my decision. he can always make me feel incredibly guilty whether it's intentional or not. he also suggested that i try a school closer to home so we could save money but really i know it's because he wants me under his roof once again.
so after being excited about something work related for once in my life, or even being excited about knowing what i want to do with my life, i am now disillusioned and feel heavy again. i hate this. first it's my ex who makes me feel that way, now my own family? how will i ever escape my life?
*zen*